introduced me to some of the verses of De Musset. We go wild over this
poet. Dediot's place in the schoolroom is by the side of Scelles, the
bookseller's son, whom we call Bel-Œil, because he squints. Bel-Œil is
as lazy as a lobster, and Dediot has made the oddest bargain with him.
Dediot does all his exercises, and in return for each, Bel-Œil hands
over to him a copy of twenty lines of Rolla. In exchange for I know not
how many versions, themes, and Latin verses, my friend has at last
secured the entire poem, and we spout its most characteristic lines
enthusiastically.
We have become sceptics and misanthropes. We play at despairing Atheism
just as Parizelle and Rocquain play at debauchery, Gervais and others at
sport and fashion, politics and love. Old Sorbelle, having been
dismissed from the Lycée, has just published a pamphlet in which he
figures under the name of Lebros, and the Provost under that of M.
Bifteck. This little book occupies our attention throughout the whole
winter, and induces us to form a conspiracy which leads to nothing. Here
we are, then, playing at revolution! What a strange discipline is that
of those infamous schools, where young boys ruin their years of unhappy
youth by the puerile and premature imitation of passions from which they
will have to suffer in reality some day, just as children, who are
destined to die in war as men, play at soldiers, with their flaxen curls
and their ringing laughter! Alas! for me the game was over too soon.
Nevertheless, this shabby, dull, mean school was my home, the only place
in which I felt myself really "at home," and I loved it. Yes, I loved
that hulks which was also partly barracks and partly hospital, because
there at all events I was not perpetually confronted with the evidence
of my double misfortune. After all, the influence of my age made itself
felt there, the nervous strain upon me was relaxed, and I escaped from
the fixed idea of the murderer of my father to be discovered, and my
stepfather to be detested. My half-holidays were such misery to me that
they would have made me dread the termination of my school-time, only
that I knew the same date would place me in possession of my fortune,
enabling me to devote myself entirely to the supreme aim and purpose of
my life. I had sworn to myself that the mysterious assassin whom justice
had failed to discover should be unearthed by me, and I derived
extraordinary moral strength from that resolution, which I kept strictly
to myself, without ever speaking of it. This, however, did not prevent
me from suffering from trifles, whenever those trifles were signs of my
doubly-orphaned state. How clearly present to me now are the torments of
those sortie days! When the servant who was to take me to my mother's
abode comes to fetch me on those Sunday mornings at eight, his careless
manner makes me feel that I am no longer the son of the house. This
wretch, this François Niquet, with his shaven chin and his insolent
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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