“Let’s talk of something more interesting—Rudolph, for instance.”
(Rudolph was one of the young men of whom Albert was jealous.)
She gave a short mischievous laugh.
He looked at her earnestly. He wondered why she was teasing him about
Rudolph. Her mobile features underwent expressions he could not
understand. Then he turned to her suddenly, with self-pity in his voice,
and said, “Why do you dislike me so much, Hilda?”
And before she had a chance to reply he added petulantly, “Everybody
here dislikes me—everybody!”
There was the peevishness of the vexed child in his voice, with a lump
of emotion in his throat.
Although he had not clearly thought of this before, no sooner had the
words escaped him than he believed them. He felt himself hated by all
around him.
Her attitude toward him changed instantly. Leaning forward, with the
book replaced in her lap so he could see it was “Herman and Dorothea”,
she said, “Oh, Albert, you only imagine things. Mother is very fond of
you, and so is father, only they don’t think you apply yourself to
business assiduously enough.”
Her beautiful sea-green eyes rested on his face sympathetically. She
looked at him as if to convince him she was not merely saying this to
soothe him.
“I know, I know, they all think me an idler, a good-for-nothing, a
worthless fellow.” His words came precipitately, passionately. “They
can’t see any good in anyone unless he is immersed in business—nothing
counts but business success. All I hear is money, money, money
everywhere!” He raised his hands as if he meant to shut out the sight of
money. “It rings in my ears from morning till night—it rings all over
Hamburg. It’s deafening—money! Nothing else interests anybody. Neither
literature nor music nor art of any sort. Money seems an end in itself.
Ah! It’s maddening—maddening! I am made to feel every moment that God
created all the beauty in the world—the green trees and the blooming
flowers and the foamy waves—and women’s beautiful eyes and their
luxuriant hair and their crimson lips (he was looking at her
yearningly)—with only one end in the scheme of creation—money! Oh, I
am disgusted with everything——.”
“You are morbid, Albert,” she said, looking straight at him and noting
the despondency in his dreamy countenance. Then she smiled and added,
“You are a Werther without a Charlotte.”
He felt the sting of her remark. To him her flippant retort was full of
meaning.
“Even you hate me,” he burst out.
He turned his face away.
“What makes you say such things?” she demanded.
“I can see it. You don’t act toward me as you do toward—” he tossed his
head without completing the sentence.
“As I do toward Rudolph,” she finished it for him with a light laugh.
Then she gazed at him for a moment and, shaking her head, said, “You
silly boy.”
“I don’t blame you—Rudolph is a shrewd business man and I am only a
clerk in your father’s bank—”
“So you think I am in love with Rudolph—”
“I know you hate me—”
“Why should I hate you?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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