After writing and rejecting several, I at last was
resolved to send the first I had attempted, knowing that, though less
studied, it certainly was the genuine effusions of my heart. After
saying all my gratitude dictated, I told her, "that, next to her
society, I should prize her correspondence above every thing in this
world; but that I begged she would not let compassion for an unfortunate
man lead her into any inconveniencies, but be guided entirely by her own
discretion. I would, in the mean time, intreat her to send me a few
books--the subject I left to her, they being her taste would be their
strongest recommendation." Perhaps I said more than I ought to have
done, although at that time I thought I fell infinitely short of what I
might have said; and yet, I take God to witness, I did not mean to
engage her affection; and no thing was less from my intention than
basely to practice on her passions.
In one of her letters, she asked me, if my debts were discharged, what
would be my dependence or scheme of life: I freely answered, my
dependence would be either to get a small place, or else serve my king
in the war now nearly breaking out, which rather suited the activity of
my disposition. She has since told me, she shed floods of tears over
that expression--_the activity of my disposition_; she drew in her
imagination the most affecting picture of a man, in the bloom and vigour
of life, excluded from the common benefits of his fellow-creatures, by
the merciless rapacity of an inhuman creditor. The effect this
melancholy representation had on her mind, while pity endeared the
object of it to her, made her take the resolution of again addressing
her father in my behalf. He accused her of ingratitude, in thus repaying
his care for her welfare. Hurt by the many harsh things he said, she
told him, "the possession of ten times the estate could convey no
pleasure to her bosom, while it was tortured with the idea, that he, who
had the best right to it, was secluded from every comfort of life; and
that, whenever it should be in her power, she would not fail to make
every reparation she could, for the violence offered to an innocent,
injured, man." This brought down her father's heaviest displeasure. He
reviled her in the grossest terms; asserted, "she had been fascinated by
me, as her ridiculous cousin had been before; but that he would take
care his family should not run the risk of being again beggared by such
a spendthrift; and that he should use such precautions, as to frustrate
any scheme I might form of seducing her from her duty." She sought to
exculpate me from the charges her father had brought against me; but he
paid no regard to her asseverations, and remained deaf and inexorable to
all her intreaties. When I learnt this, I wrote to Miss Maynard,
intreating her, for her own sake, to resign an unhappy man to his evil
destiny. I begged her to believe, I had sufficient resolution to support
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