I didn’t do it. It wasn’t _me_. MRS. BRIGGS Rupert Smith! JESSIE (_dolefully_) Oh, goodness! INGOLDSBY (_hotly_) What do you mean by terrorizing a lady? RUPERT I didn’t! I didn’t say a _word_! I _was_ behind there, but I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t _my_ voice talking to you. INGOLDSBY Then who was it? THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE If you’re anxious for more witnesses, I suggest that you look under the settee. MRS. BRIGGS (_changing her mind as she is in the act of sinking down upon the settee_) What! JESSIE Look at it! (_Mrs. Briggs screams faintly, as the settee moves rapidly to the left entrance, evidently meaning to leave the room._) INGOLDSBY (_to Rupert_) Stop that thing! Catch it! (_They seize the settee just as it is disappearing into the corridor. They drag it back into the room._) RUPERT (_trying to lift the settee_) Come out from under there! INGOLDSBY Come out, now! THE SETTEE I won’t! You lea’ me alone! INGOLDSBY Both together now--heave! (_They heave, and the settee yields, disclosing Lancelot with his previously smooth hair disheveled and his clothes well rumpled._) MRS. BRIGGS (_astonished_) Lancelot! Oh, gracious me! INGOLDSBY (_to Lancelot_) Shame on you! RUPERT Yes, shame on you! LANCELOT (_resentfully_) Well, you _would_ get me; but I’ll make you sorry you did it, both of you! (_He rises, brushing himself and adjusting his attire._) INGOLDSBY (_irritably_) Don’t you know better than to frighten ladies and eavesdrop and-- LANCELOT (_warmly_) I was abs’lootly honorable, because I couldn’t help it, and you none of you ever gave me a single chance to get away. _My_ conduct is the only one here that hasn’t got a stain on it or anything. (_He turns hotly upon Mrs. Briggs and Jessie._) I got nothing to reproach myself with, but I’d just like to know what either of you got to say for yourselves _now_ about the way you been talkin’ about Mrs. Curtis! If you either of you ever just _dare_ to soil your lips with even her _name_ again, why, I know more _things_-- MRS. BRIGGS Be quiet, Lancelot. LANCELOT Quiet? _Me?_ (_He laughs shortly with an irony he could not express in words._) In the first place, don’t call me Lancelot any more. You know how I hate that name, and I been tryin’ to break you of it long enough--and now I will! I don’t care what you call me, but don’t call me _that_! JESSIE (_pointing to the settee_) How long were you under there? LANCELOT (_sternly_) Long enough to get mighty tired of hearin’ people callin’ each other “Darling”! Good gracious! You don’t think I _enjoyed_ it, do you? Why, what I heard while I was under there--well, I got a pretty strong constitution, but-- MRS. BRIGGS Hush! Oh, me! INGOLDSBY The voice that spoke didn’t sound like Lancelot’s voice-- LANCELOT (_turning upon him ominously_) Did you hear me say not to call me Lancelot? I mean you, too.