I would not have any one think, however, that Mr Durham either meant or
did any harm. To say so would be very wrong. It was as imperceptible
with him as with me. He went quite innocently, as I did, to cheer up Mrs
Stephens, and because an evening’s chatter with a little music was
pleasant; and by degrees we thought less and less of Mrs Stephens and
more and more of each other. If any one meant anything beyond this, it
was she who was the guilty person. She would nod off to sleep in her
easy-chair while we were talking. She would say, with a sleepy smile,
“Don’t mind me, my dears. The light is a little strong for my eyes. That
is why I close them--but I like the sound of your voices even when I
don’t hear what you say.” Alas, if she had heard everything that had
been said it might have been better. After a while he began to say
strange things to me while she had her doze. He talked about his family
to me. He said he hoped I should know them some day. He said his mother
was very kind and wise--“a wise woman.” These were the very words he
used. And then he said---- other things; but that was not till the very,
very last.
One morning we met in the little hall. It was raining, and it was a
holiday, and when he insisted on following me into the schoolroom, what
could I do--I could not shut him out. He seemed to fill the whole room,
and make it warm and bright. I do not think we had ever been quite alone
before. He came to the window and stood there looking out upon the bare
bit of smoky grass and the water-butt. And then all at once he came to
me and took my hand. “If I had a nice little house out in the country,
with flowers and trees about it, a bright little house--Mary--would you
come and be my little wife, and take care of it and me?”
Oh, what a thing to have said to you, all at once, without warning, in
the heart of your own dull little life, when you thought you were to
work, and pinch, and put up with things, for ever! It was different from
my old fancy. But how poor a thing to have been found out to be Lady
Mary in comparison with this! What I said is neither here nor there. We
stood together in the little old study, among the forms where we had our
little scholars, as if we had been in a fairy palace. I was not
seventeen. I had no experience. I thought of nothing but him, and what
he said. It was not my part to think of his father and mother, and what
he would do, and what he wouldn’t do. He was a great deal older than I
was; about thirty, I believe. Of course, I thought of nothing but him.
“Do you know,” he said, after a long time, “I have never seen your
stepmother, Mary? I have been three months in the house, and I have
never seen her. I must go and see her now.”
“Oh, wait a little,” I said; “wait a day. Let us have a secret all to
ourselves one day.” How foolish I was!--but how was I to know?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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