American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"De gal whar I gwine tell 'bout wuz on her way home on de fo'th night,
an' she wuz pow'ful tired, 'kase dem rattles is monst'ous haivy, an' she
bin keepin' hit up fo' nights han' runnin'. She wuz gwine thu a dark
place in de woods w'en suddintly she seed a young man all wrop up in a
sof' gray blankit an' leanin' 'gins' a tree. His eyes wuz big an' roun'
an' bright, an' dey seemed ter bu'n lak fire. Dem eyes drord de gal an'
drord de gal 'twel she warn't 'feared no mo', an' she come nearer, an'
las' he putt out his arms wrop up in de gray blanket an' drord her clost
'twel she lean erg'in him, an' she look up in de big, bright eyes an'
she say, 'Whar is you, whar is you?' An' he say, 'Oo-goo-coo,
Oo-goo-coo.' Dat wuz de Churry_kee_ name fer 'owl,' but de gal ain' pay
no 'tention ter dat, for mos' er de Injun men wuz name' atter bu'ds an'
beas'eses an' sech ez dat. Atter dat she useter go out ter de woods ev'y
night ter see de young man, an' she alluz sing out ter him, 'Whar is
you, whar is you?' an' he'd arnser, 'Oo-goo-coo, Oo-goo-coo.' Dat wuz de
on'ies wu'd he uver say, but de gal thought 'twuz all right, fer she
done mek up her min' dat he 'longed ter nu'rr tribe er Injuns whar spoke
diff'nt f'um her own people. Sidesen dat, she love' him, an' w'en gals
is in love dey think ev'ything de man do is jes' 'bout right, an' dese
yer co'tin'-couples is no gre't fer talkin,' nohow.
"De gal's daddy wuz daid an' her an' her mammy live all 'lone, so las'
she mek up her min' dat it be heap mo' handy ter have a man roun' de
house, so she up an' tell her mammy dat she done got ma'ied. Her mammy
say, 'You is, is you? Well, who de man?' De gal say 'Oo-goo-coo.' 'Well,
den,' sez her mammy, 'I reckon you bes' bring home dish yer Oo-goo-coo
an' see ef we kain't mek him useful. A li'l good game, now an' den, 'ud
suit my mouf right well. We ain' have nair' pusson ter do no huntin' fer
us sence yo' daddy died.'
"'Mammy,' sez de gal, 'I'se 'bleeged ter tell you dat my husban' kain't
speak ow' langwidge.'
"'All de better,' sez her mammy, sez she. 'Dar ain' gwine be no trouble
'bout dat, 'kase I kin do talkin' 'nuff fer two, an' I ain' want one
dese yer back-talkin' son-in-laws, nohow.'
"So de nex' night de gal went off an' comed back late wid de young man.
Her mammy ax him in an' gin him a seat by de fire, an' dar he sot all
wrop up in his blinkit, wid his haid turnt 'way f'um de light, not
sayin' nuttin' ter nob'dy. An' de fire died down an' de wind blewed
mo'nful outside, an' dar he sot on an' on, an' w'en de wimmins went ter
sleep, dar he wuz settin', still. But in de mawnin' w'en dey woked up he
wuz gone, an' dey ain' see hya'r ner hide uv 'im all day.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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