The World's Illusion, Volume 2 (of 2): Ruth — John Shaqi
The World's Illusion, Volume 2 (of 2): RuthWassermann, Jakob
General
The World's Illusion, Volume 2 (of 2): Ruth
Wassermann, Jakob
German fiction -- Translations into English
Karen scarcely listened. Her face grew darker and darker. She put her
hands against her breast, arose clumsily, and looked around in the
room. Her feet were turned inward and her abdomen protruded. “He
comes and he goes, he comes and he goes,” she complained, in a voice
that gradually became almost a scream. “That’s the way it is, day out
and day in. If only he wouldn’t ask questions. It makes me feel hot
and cold. It’s like being searched by a matron. D’you know how that
is? Everything’s turned inside out and everything’s handled. Awful!
And I ought to try to be comfortable here; there’s nothing better in
the world. When you’ve been kicked around like some stinking animal,
you ought to thank God to have a chance to breathe easy. But to sit
and wait and tell how things was at this place and at that, and how
this thing happened and the other--no, I can’t stand it no more! It’s
too much! It’s like splitting a person’s head open!” She struck her
fist against her temple. She seemed an animal, an animal with all the
ugliness of a human soul dead or distorted, a wicked savage awakened
now and untamable.
Girke was confounded. He got up, and pushed the chair, both as a
protection and a weapon, between the woman and himself. He said: “I
won’t take up more of your time. I beg you to consider my proposition
carefully. I shall drop in again some time.” He went with a sensation
as of danger at his back.
Karen hardly observed that she was alone in the room. She brooded. Her
thinking processes were primitive. Two uncertainties tormented her to
the point of morbidness and rage: What impelled Christian to search her
soul and past, again and again, with the same patience, kindliness,
and curiosity? And what inexplicable force made her answer, explain,
relate, and give an accounting of her life?
Every time he began she struggled, but she always yielded to that
force. She always began by turning her face in horror from her own
past. But soon she was forced by an implacable power to embrace that
vision, and everything that she had experienced, everything that had
vanished, all that was desolate, turbid, dark, and dangerous reappeared
with an incomparable vividness. It was her own life, and yet seemed
another’s, who was herself and yet some one else. It seemed to her that
all those desolate, turbid, dark, dangerous things began over again,
doubly terrible, with a foreknowledge of each day’s disconsolate end.
Forgotten things and places plagued her and emerged terribly from
her consciousness: rooms and beds and walls, cities and streets and
street-corners and public houses and dark halls that led to police
courts; human beings and words, and certain hours and days and tears
and cries; and all terrors and degradations and crimes, all mockery
and wild laughter--all this came back to her, and the past arose and
lacerated her mind.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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