Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"What _is_ the matter, Jane?"
Jane Hubbard was a tall, handsome girl with large brown eyes. About
her, as Bream Mortimer had said, there was something dynamic. The
daughter of an eminent explorer and big-game hunter, she had frequently
accompanied her father on his expeditions. An out-doors girl.
"Who is that man at the piano?" she whispered. "Do you know him?"
"As a matter of fact, I do," said Billie. "His name is Hignett. Why?"
"I met him on the Subway not long ago. Poor little fellow, how
miserable he looks!"
At this moment their conversation was interrupted. Eustace Hignett,
pulling himself together with a painful effort, raised his hands and
struck a crashing chord: and, as he did so, there appeared through the
door at the far end of the saloon a figure at the sight of which the
entire audience started convulsively with a feeling that a worse thing
had befallen them than even they had looked for.
The figure was richly clad in some scarlet material. Its face was a
grisly black and below the nose appeared what seemed a horrible gash.
It advanced towards them, smoking a cigar.
"Hullo, Ernest," it said.
And then it seemed to pause expectantly, as though desiring some reply.
Dead silence reigned in the saloon.
"Hullo, Ernest!"
Those nearest the piano--and nobody more quickly than Jane Hubbard--now
observed that the white face of the man on the stool had grown whiter
still. His eyes gazed out glassily from under his damp brow. He looked
like a man who was seeing some ghastly sight. The audience sympathised
with him. They felt like that, too.
In all human plans there is ever some slight hitch, some little
miscalculation which just makes all the difference. A moment's thought
should have told Eustace Hignett that a half-smoked cigar was one of
the essential properties to any imitation of the eminent Mr. Tinney:
but he had completely overlooked the fact. The cigar came as an
absolute surprise to him and it could not have affected him more
powerfully if it had been a voice from the tomb. He stared at it
pallidly, like Macbeth at the ghost of Banquo. It was a strong, lively
young cigar, and its curling smoke played lightly about his nostrils.
His jaw fell. His eyes protruded. He looked for a long moment like one
of those deep-sea fishes concerning which the recent lecturer had
spoken so searchingly. Then with the cry of a stricken animal, he
bounded from his seat and fled for the deck.
There was a rustle of millinery at Billie's side as Jane Hubbard rose
and followed him. Jane was deeply stirred. Even as he sat, looking so
pale and piteous, at the piano, her big heart had gone out to him, and
now, in his moment of anguish, he seemed to bring to the surface
everything that was best and most compassionate in her nature.
Thrusting aside a steward who happened to be between her and the door,
she raced in pursuit.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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