Strangely enough, I had no thought of stopping her in my dream; I seemed
only anxious to look into her eyes, and to hold her hands, and to snatch
from that dear contact what comfort I could for the time yet left me on
earth. Exactly as on the previous occasion the dream faded again; and I
was in my cell, with the patient warders watching, and with the faint
murmur of the waking city outside. And now I began to wonder if after
all the dream had only been born of my own thoughts and desires--began
to hope, even with a sense of disappointment, that perhaps after all she
was far away with her young husband, and would only know of my fate long
afterwards.
The next night the same thing happened; save that on this occasion I
wandered the wood forlornly enough, and could not find her. I remember
that I seemed to walk about the sunlit place, calling her name, and
hearing nothing; that I thought more than once that I saw her
disappearing in the distance, and ran on, crying to her, and finding no
one. When I awoke, for the first time since my sentence I found my
pillow wet with tears.
One more day and night of life. And now I began violently to long for
her; to feel the bitter injustice of dying here in this place without
seeing her. With one moment I would pray earnestly that she might not
arrive in time; in the next would be faint with longing to hold her hands
and hear her voice. It is safe to say that I never lost sight of that
girlish figure; I thought of nothing else. The voice of the good chaplain
went by me like a thing unheard; if I listened at all, it was to hear him
saying over and over again: "Barbara!"--"Barbara!"--"Barbara!"--over and
over again as in a sort of chant.
It was growing late in the afternoon, and I was seated on the side of my
bed, with my face buried in my hands, thinking. Even then I did not
think of the near approach of death; I only longed insanely, now that my
hour was coming, to live a little longer, that I might see her. I must
have fallen into a sort of stupor; for I know it seemed to me the prison
wall was down again, and that once again I had stepped out into the
blessed sunlight of the free woods; when I felt a hand laid on my
shoulder, and, looking up, saw one of the officials. He said something
to me that I did not understand, and I got dazedly to my feet; looking
past him, I saw Barbara, with her hands stretched out to me. And she was
all in black.
At first I remember that I laughed, and looked stupidly from one to the
other of the men about me. Then, at a sign from the man who had spoken,
they fell back, and went to the further end of the cell. And I was quite
suddenly in her arms.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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