Humorous stories; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Private secretaries -- Fiction
"Yep," says I, "I should judge that. But if I think he's bilkin' you on
this, is it my play to sit behind and chew my tongue?"
"By Jove!" says Mr. Robert, his sportin' instincts comin' to the top.
"You shall have your chance, Torchy. The directors shall hear your
views; to-morrow, at two-thirty. You will follow Briscoe."
"Let's not bill it ahead, then," says I, "if it'll be fair to spring it
on him."
"Quite," says Mr. Robert; "and rather more amusing, I fancy. I will
arrange it."
"I'd like to have old Rowley on the side lines, in case I get stuck,"
says I.
"Oh, certainly," says he. "Bring Mr. Rowley if you wish. And if there
are any preparations you would like to make----"
"I got one or two," says I, startin' for the door; "so mark me off until
about to-morrow noon."
Busy? Well, say, a kitten with four feet stuck in the flypaper didn't
have anything on me. I streaks it for Sixth-ave. and lands in Rowley's
loft all out of breath.
"What's up?" says he.
"The case of Briscoe _et al. vs._ Rowley," says I. "It's to be threshed
out before the full Corrugated board to-morrow at two-thirty. I'm the
counsel for the defense."
"Well, what of it?" says he.
"I want to use you as Exhibit A," says I, "in case of an emergency."
"All right," says he. "I'll go along if you say so."
"Good!" says I. And then came the hard part. "Rowley," I goes on, "what
size collar do you wear?"
"But what has that to do with it?" says he.
"Now don't get peeved," says I; "but you know the kind our directors
are,--flossy, silk-lined old sports, most of 'em; and they're apt to
size up strangers a good deal by their haberdashery. So I was wonderin'
if I couldn't blow you to a neat, pleated bosom effect with attached
cuffs."
"Oh, I see," says Rowley, glancin' at his gray flannel workin' shirt.
"Anything else?"
"I don't expect you'd want to part with that face shrubbery, or have it
landscaped into a Vandyke, eh?" says I. "You know they ain't wearin' the
bushy kind now in supertax circles."
"Would you insist on my being manicured too?" says he, chucklin' easy.
"It would help," says I. "And this would be my buy all round."
"That's a generous offer, Son," says he, "and I don't know how long it's
been since anyone has taken so much personal interest in Old Hen Rowley.
Seems nice too. I suppose I am rather a shabby old duffer to be visiting
the offices of great and good corporations. Yes, I'll spruce up a bit;
and if I find it costs more than I can afford--now let's see how my cash
stands."
With that he digs into a hip pocket and unlimbers a roll of corn-tinted
kale the size of your wrist. Maybe they wa'n't all hundreds clear to the
core, but that's what was on the outside.
"Whiffo!" says I. "Excuse me for classin' you so near the bread line;
but by your campin' in a loft, and the longshoreman's shirt, and so
on----"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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