* * * * * It’s better to faint in the arms of truth and die in poverty than to lie for the lap of luxury and die disgraced. * * * * * A drunken man’s breath is preferable to the wagging tongue of a gossip. * * * * * Any man could live with a woman who has the patience to bathe in a wash tub twenty-one inches in diameter for seventeen years without complaining. * * * * * Marry in haste and repent in alimony. * * * * * It’s a sad fact that many a man has missed his calling and there is elegant material for day laborers among the professions and vice versa. * * * * * If it wasn’t for $$$ a great many people would be wearing the stripes. * * * * * Some men are so economical they go without socks to buy whiskey. * * * * * If some women were better cooks there would be less dyspepsia and fewer divorces. * * * * * If too many cooks spoil the broth, could too many church denominations spoil the man? * * * * * The longer you use the Christ-like religion the better you like it and the better it makes you. * * * * * The man who makes careless remarks about women does not possess the fine attributes of a gentleman. * * * * * If religion cost money, how some church members with bible names would grab for their purses when the lights go out. * * * * * Religion and sympathy cost nothing, but you’d think they were diamonds the way some people use them. * * * * * The first marriage is for love, the second for convenience, and the third a cold business proposition. Don’t try for a four-bagger. * * * * * The cleanliness of the tea towel is a safe criterion to a good house-keeper. * * * * * The great jewel “Consistency” cannot be bought with money. * * * * * Some people are so hard hearted, onions would have no effect at a funeral. * * * * * If you don’t like the taste of life’s medicine, be your own doctor and change the ingredients. * * * * * If some weak-kneed marshals and sheriffs would do their duty, there would be less bootleggers. * * * * * Some women join the ladies’ aid and use the lemon extravagantly. * * * * *