Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser Killer — John Shaqi
Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser KillerLardner, Ring
General
Treat 'em Rough: Letters from Jack the Kaiser Killer
Lardner, Ring
American wit and humor; World War, 1914-1918 -- Humor
I pretty near forgot to tell you that Teddy Roosevelt was here today
over looking us and he made a speech but they was about 20 thousand for
him to talk to and I was a mile away and couldn't hear nothing but I
suppose he told the boys they was fine physical specimens and etc. Well
Al that stuff is O.K. but if I wasn't a fine physical specimen I might
be somewheres where I could go to sleep without some stabber waiting to
carve their initials in my Adams apple.
Your pal, JACK.
[Illustration]
CAMP GRANT, Sept. 29.
_FRIEND AL:_ Well old pal you see I am still alive and I guess that is
because by the time night comes a round Nick the Blade is all wore out
with them upseting exercises and etc. and hasn't got enough strenth left
to carve nobody or maybe he has figured out the truth which is that I
wasn't realy laughing at him Al but when I am takeing a bath I feel so
good that I am libel to bust out laughing at nothing you might say.
But Sebastian isn't the only bird I got to watch now Al because last
night they sprung a new one on me and he just come into the camp
yesterday and the man that was sleeping on the other side of me is sick
in the infirmiary so they stuck this new one in his bunk and now I got
them on both sides and I don't know which is the worst Nick or him
because this one wispers all night and it would be O.K. if he was
wispering in his sleep or wispering to himself but he isn't.
I didn't turn in till 11 and Nick was buzzing away like a saw buck and I
figured on getting some sleep myself but I hadn't no sooner layed down
when the wispering begun on the other side. First I didn't catch what
he was trying to get at but I heard him the second time all right and he
says "Do you want me to kill?" Well Al for 2 or 3 minutes I couldn't get
enough strenth up to turn over and look at him but the next time he
repeated it over again I couldn't stand it no more so I said "Are you
talking to me?" And what do you think he said Al? He says "I am talking
to God."
Well Al the connection couldn't of been very good you might say because
he kept asking the same question over and over and not getting no answer
but how was I to know when the party at the other end would speak up and
maybe say yes and they wasn't nobody closer to him then me for him to
work on so you can see what a fine nights rest I got Al and this
A.M. I told Shorty Lahey about him and sure enough Al the bird
is a gun man named Tom the Trigger and Shorty says he is a nut that
thinks he is aces up with the all mighty and some times he imagines that
they are telling him to go ahead and shoot and then he takes aim at
whoever is handy.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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