“I should say not. She’s got it to give away.” * * * * * “What time is it?” asked his wife suspiciously as he came in. “About one.” Just then the clock struck three. “Gracious! when did that clock commence to stutter?” he asked, with a feeble attempt at justification and a joke. * * * * * “What’s become of those patent-leather shoes you wore last winter?” “They have gone to the wall.” “Why? Wasn’t the leather good?” “Yes, but the patent expired.” * * * * * What is the difference between a man and a hen? A man can lay an egg on a red hot stove without burning himself, and a hen can’t. * * * * * My brother had over fifty thousand men under him. He must have been a great general. No, he was in a balloon. * * * * * I wish that the good Lord had made me a man. Perhaps he has, but you haven’t found him yet. * * * * * “I fell off a sixty-five foot ladder to-day.” “It’s a miracle you weren’t killed.” “Oh, I only fell off the first round.” * * * * * “There was a fight at the baker shop.” “What caused it?” “A stale loaf of bread got fresh.” * * * * * “Do you know my brother?” “Which one, the one with the smooth face?” “No, the one with the hair lip. Well, he attempted to beat his wife last night, and two policemen rushed in just in time to prevent murder.” “Horrible! Did they take him to jail?” “No, to the hospital.” * * * * * If a hen laid an orange, what would her chickens say? I don’t know; what would they say? Oh, look at the orange mar-ma-lade. * * * * * I used to work in a watch factory. What did you do? I made faces. * * * * * “What time is it by thet thar clock, Silas?” inquired the old lady in the Grand Central depot. “That ain’t a clock, mother; that’s a weighing machine.” “Land sakes! What do they have that fur in a depot?” “So’s the folks kin git away, I s’pose,” said Silas solemnly. * * * * * How did that sausage that you ate agree with you? It hurt my liver wurst. * * * * * A minister was horrified one Sunday to see a boy in the gallery of the church pelting the hearers in the pews below with horse chestnuts. As the good man looked up, the boy cried out: “You tend to your preaching, Mister. I’ll keep ’em awake.” * * * * * “Say, what kind of a race was that you and your wife had?” “Race? Why, we didn’t have any race.” “Now, that’s funny. The neighbors told me that you beat her.” * * * * * We got a cow and she doesn’t give any milk. We take it away from her. * * * * *