“Why, haven’t you heard about this new Copper Trust?” * * * * * Do you attend the bicycle school now? No. They’re having a terrible falling off of pupils up there. * * * * * If a man should cut off his knee, where would he go to get another one? Where? To Africa. Why? That’s where the ne-groes. * * * * * How is your wife now? Oh, she’s all right, I guess. She’s got you guessing, eh? * * * * * “Witness, did you ever see the prisoner at the bar?” “Oh, yes, that’s where I got acquainted with him.” * * * * * I sat before a great artist to-day for my picture. What did he say? Wanted to know what color I wanted my nose painted! * * * * * _Benedict_--“I’ve been carrying the baby around the door for a week back.” _Bachelor_--“Carrying the baby for a week back? Pshaw! That’s no remedy at all. What you want for a weak back is a porous plaster.” * * * * * I went black-berrying to-day. You did? Yes. I went to a colored funeral. * * * * * “What did de lady do when yer asked her for an old collar?” “She gave me a turndown.” * * * * * The owner says if we don’t pay our rent he will make it hot for us. Tell him to go ahead. That’s more than the janitor has ever done. * * * * * I went out to feed the horse this morning, and he had his bridle on and couldn’t eat a bit. * * * * * “I never play whist except for fun.” “Neither do I; only somebody else generally has the fun.” * * * * * “Billy, does your mother give you anything if you take your medicine without crying?” “No; but she gives me something if I don’t.” * * * * * “What if I were one of those husbands, my dear, who get up cross in the morning and bang things about because the coffee is cold?” _Wife_: “I would make it hot for you.” * * * * * “So you asked old Crusty for his daughter, eh? How did you come out?” “Through the window!” * * * * * “I wish you’d pay a little attention to what I say.” “I am, my dear--as little as possible.” * * * * * _Emmy_--“I’ve got an invite to the Charity Ball, but not the least idea what I am to go in. What would you wear if you had my complexion?” _Fanny_--“A thick veil.” * * * * * I have got a brother that hasn’t slept a night in two months. How is that? He is a night-watchman and sleeps day times. * * * * * “Were you moved when the old gentleman said you could never marry his daughter?” “Yes; I was moved half way across the sidewalk.”