The next day increased the sense of his new-found importance; his mother
had died rich, as he and she understood riches. She had trusted her son
in nothing, not even with the knowledge of her income, and after the
stinting and scraping to which she had accustomed him he was amazed to
find himself master of a hundred and fifty pounds a year, the interest
on capital gradually and carefully invested. In his amazement—at first
incredulous—he trod on air, while his mind wandered hazily over the
glorious possibilities of opulent years to come; the only alloy in his
otherwise supreme content being the necessity for preserving (at least
until the funeral was over) a decent appearance of dejection. He felt,
too, the need of a friend in whom to confide, some one of his own age
and standing before whom it would not be needful to keep up the
appearance of dejection and who would not be shocked at the babblings of
his stirred and exultant soul; and it was this natural longing for a
confidant which, on the day following his mother’s funeral, led to the
beginning of his friendship with his fellow-clerk, Faraday.
The head of his department, meeting him in the passage, had said a few
perfunctory and conventional words of condolence—whereto William had
muttered a sheepish "Thank you, sir," and escaped as soon as might be.
The familiar office after his four days’ estrangement from it affected
him curiously and unpleasantly; he felt his newly-acquired sense of
importance slipping gradually away from him, felt himself becoming once
again the underling and creature of routine—the William Tully, obedient
and painstaking, who had earned from his childhood the favourable
contempt of his superiors. It was borne in on him as the hours went by
that it was not enough to accept good fortune—good fortune had to be
made use of; and he began to make plans in an irregular, tentative
fashion, biting the end of his pen and neglecting his work. Should he
chuck the office? and if he chucked it, what then? ... Here imagination
failed him; his life had been so ordered, so bound down and directed by
others, that even his desires were tamed to the wishes of others and
left to himself he could not tell what he desired. The need for
sympathy and guidance became imperative; driving him, when the other
occupants of the room had departed for lunch, to unbosom himself to
Faraday.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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