Wisdom while you wait : $b Being a foretaste of the glories of the 'Insidecompletuar Britanniaware' ...Lucas, E. V. (Edward Verrall)
General
Wisdom while you wait : $b Being a foretaste of the glories of the 'Insidecompletuar Britanniaware' ...
Lucas, E. V. (Edward Verrall)
Encyclopaedia Britannica -- Humor; English wit and humor
To Intending Purchasers of our Casket of Jewels.
The instalment system as applied to this stupendous work has been so
carefully arranged, as to bring the volumes
WITHIN REACH OF THE HUMBLEST,
if anybody after reading our Preface is humble any longer.
To those who are so eccentric as to prefer to pay for the
INSIDECOMPLETUAR in the lump,
THE PRICE IS A COOL ‘THOU.’
For others, we have a graduated scale drawn up by the
BEST ACTUARY
that money could procure. Thus, we can take monthly payments as low as
a shilling, or goods to that value, excepting perishable articles such
as eggs, fish, fruit, and army boots, but the books will naturally be
a little more expensive in the long run. This, however, is unimportant
and negligible, as in the majority of cases it will be one’s heirs who
will have to complete the purchase. For example, let us suppose that
the purchaser is about to be twenty-one--and there is no better way in
which to
ATTAIN ONE’S MAJORITY
than in the company of our invaluable INSIDECOMPLETUAR--the subjoined
table will show at what age his monthly payments at a shilling will
cease, also at eighteenpence and two shillings. Simple division will
enable the hesitating purchaser to compute the time required for higher
rates of instalment.
----------+--------------------+-------------------
Age next | Rate of instalment | Age when payments
birthday. | per month. | will cease.
----------+--------------------+-------------------
21 | 1/- | 1120
----------+--------------------+-------------------
21 | 1/6 | 840
----------+--------------------+-------------------
21 | 2/- | 610
----------+--------------------+-------------------
But what the purchasers on the hire system cannot
TOO CLEARLY UNDERSTAND,
is that although the instalments go on, the volumes are
DELIVERED AT ONCE.
On the morning after the first shilling instalment is received they will
COME WITH THE MILK.
Nothing can stop them. Your pavement will be blocked by them within
twenty-four hours of posting your remittance, unless, of course, the
coal-shoot is open. Understand this clearly, we
CANNOT TAKE THEM BACK.
Once we have got a set off our hands, threats, persuasion, tears, and
entreaties are alike powerless to induce us to receive it again.
WE WANT YOUR CASH.
Secrecy Guaranteed if Required.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Wisdom while you wait : $b Being a foretaste of the glories of the 'Insidecompletuar Britanniaware' ... — John Shaqi
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account