Wisdom while you wait : $b Being a foretaste of the glories of the 'Insidecompletuar Britanniaware' ...Lucas, E. V. (Edward Verrall)
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Wisdom while you wait : $b Being a foretaste of the glories of the 'Insidecompletuar Britanniaware' ...
Lucas, E. V. (Edward Verrall)
Encyclopaedia Britannica -- Humor; English wit and humor
Purchasers who do not invest in Humphry Ward’s Iron Buildings, are
cautioned against storing the Encyclopædia anywhere but in the
basement. To the unfortunate descent of a complete set from the second
floor to the ground in a house at Queen’s Gate has been attributed by
Professor Camille Flammarion not only the eruption of Mont Pelée but
the destruction of the Campanile of St. Mark.
* * * * *
The Duchess of Sutherland wires:--‘Please send Humphry Ward
immediately. Oldest turret in Dunrobin Castle in ruins. Navvies
excavating supplement.’
Dr. H. S. Lunn writes:--‘I regret to say that we inadvertently
committed the cardinal error of placing your otherwise admirable
volumes in an upper apartment. The house is old, and I am now writing
in the cowshed surrounded by my shivering family. If you have any
Humphry Wards of a larger size please send them by luggage train.’
Patent Book Shelf Beds.
Mr. Honey-Buckle’s patent Dormi-Cyclo, registered as The Bee, is an
ingenious contrivance so arranged that what appears to be merely a
handsome set of shelves containing our colossal work of reference,
will, by the pressure of a button, turn into a comfortable four-poster.
Those readers who are reduced to the natural end of perusing our pages
have but to press the button to find the pillows ready for them.
Honey-Buckle’s Bee combines
BANE AND ANTIDOTE.
* * * * *
Lord Curzon writes:--
‘_Government House, Calcutta._
‘Your Dormi-Cyclo most satisfactory. Have never had better nights.’
Dr. Sven Hedin writes:--‘As a means of combating the notorious insomnia
prevalent in the highlands of Thibet I took your Dormi-Cyclo with me on
my recent journey. It never failed. The Grand Lama after one trial sank
into a state of coma from which he has not since emerged.’
Our Wet Summer.
The conviction now prevailing in meteorological circles is that the
humidity of the summer from which we have recently suffered is due to
the INSIDECOMPLETUAR. The compensating aridity of which the country
was so sorely in need was all secreted in the 100 volumes of our tenth
edition. In view of this fact it is impossible to exaggerate the
necessity incumbent on all purchasers to take out a
FIRE INSURANCE POLICY,
as the INSIDECOMPLETUAR is a very hotbed of dry light. Terms on
application.
Bell’s Hydraulic Cranes.
Owing to the exorbitant avoirdupois of this stupendous work, the
ordinary reader cannot consult it in comfort without mechanical
assistance. To meet this want Mr. Dumbelley Bell has designed a patent
HYDRAULIC CRANE,
easily attached to the study-table, supplied with motive power from a
Bellville boiler in the back kitchen. Terms cash; or on the forty-one
years’ hire system.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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