WOOD. (_taking one parcel and opening letter, which is fastened to it_) "Two morning gowns in merino--best quality, quilted and lined,--cords and tassels as to order," that's all right; now the other parcels, David--(_opening the papers attached to them_) "Three woollen smoking caps, three cloth ditto, three silk ditto, three velvet ditto"--all right. (_opening third paper_) "Twelve pairs of slippers to measure, three lined with fur, three with flannel, &c., &c." Quite correct. DAVID. Morning gowns, caps, and slippers! Why, I never seed you with one or the other in all my life, never! WOOD. Exactly; because, hitherto, my existence has been passed in coats that cramped my body, hats that pinched my head, and boots that crippled my feet! But that's all over, David; to-morrow I insert my body into a morning gown, my head into a cap, my feet into a pair of slippers, and in that easy and unencumbered state I sink into a comfortable arm chair for the remainder of my existence. Not a bad notion, eh, David? DAVID. I call it a first-rate dodge, sir! WOOD. I said nothing about a "dodge," David; I limited myself to the expression "notion." That being the case, David, I hereby convey, transfer, and make over to you from the time being my entire stock of dress coats, ditto trousers, ditto waistcoats, white neckcloths, black hats, and patent leather boots. DAVID. Oh, thank'ee, sir, thankee! MRS. LARKINGS. (_without_) Don't trouble yourself! I dare say you've plenty to do on such a day as this. WOOD. Heyday! see who it is, David. DAVID. (_looking off at R. C._) It be a lady, sir. Lor! how I should laugh if it was one o' your old London sweethearts come down to forbid the banns--ha, ha, ha! WOOD. Hold your tongue, sir, and shew the lady in! _As DAVID goes up, enter MRS. LARKINGS, at door R. C., in travelling costume._ DAVID. (_running back to WOODCOCK, and aside to him_) All right, sir--I never seed her afore! WOOD. Leave the room! (_DAVID runs out--WOODCOCK advances to MRS. LARKINGS_) Madam, may I--eh? yes--Mrs. Larkings! MRS. L. _Yes_! in _propria persona._ Well, am I too late? I see I am. You're married? I see you are. (_looking at WOODCOCK and then bursting into a laugh_) Ha, ha, ha! I can't help laughing! WOOD. So it seems. Yes, fair lady, I entered the holy state of wedlock exactly seventeen minutes and a half ago. (_looking at watch_) MRS. L. I should so like to have seen you! what fun it must have been--ha, ha, ha! WOOD. (_aside_) What does she mean by "fun?" and what _can_ she be laughing at? (_aloud and assuming a very solemn manner_) Mrs. Larkings, if you allude to the solemnization of the nuptial rites, _I_ saw no fun in it. MRS. L. No, of course _you_ didn't! ha, ha, ha! but tell me how is--how is _Mrs._ Woodcock? Ha, ha, ha! WOOD. (_aside_) Mrs. Larkings is gradually becoming unpleasant. MRS. L. Of course I couldn't allow the dear girl to be married without wishing her joy, poor thing.