A Millionaire of Yesterday — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
A Millionaire of Yesterday
John Stuart Mill · en
From the Strand he crossed Trafalgar Square into Pall Mall, and up the
Haymarket into Piccadilly. He was very soon aware that he had wandered
into a world whose ways were not his ways and with whom he had no
kinship. Yet he set himself sedulously to observe them, conscious that
what he saw represented a very large side of life. From the first he
was aware of a certain difference in himself and his ways. The careless
glance of a lounger on the pavement of Pall Mall filled him with a
sudden anger. The man was wearing gloves, an article of dress which
Trent ignored, and smoking a cigarette, which he loathed. Trent was
carelessly dressed in a tweed suit and red tie, his critic wore a silk
hat and frock coat, patent-leather boots, and a dark tie of invisible
pattern. Yet Trent knew that he was a type of that class which would
look upon him as an outsider, and a black sheep, until he had bought his
standing. They would expect him to conform to their type, to learn to
speak their jargon, to think with their puny brains and to see with
their short-sighted eyes. At the “Criterion” he turned in and had a
drink, and, bolder for the wine which he had swallowed at a gulp, he
told himself that he would do nothing of the sort. He would not alter
a jot. They must take him as he was, or leave him. He suffered his
thoughts to dwell for a moment upon his wealth, on the years which had
gone to the winning of it, on a certain nameless day, the memory of
which even now sent sometimes the blood running colder through his
veins, on the weaker men who had gone under that he might prosper. Now
that it was his, he wanted the best possible value for it; it was the
natural desire of the man to be uppermost in the bargain. The delights
of the world behind, it seemed to him that he had already drained. The
crushing of his rivals, the homage of his less successful competitors,
the grosser pleasures of wine, the music-halls, and the unlimited
spending of money amongst people whom he despised had long since palled
upon him. He had a keen, strong desire to escape once and for ever from
his surroundings. He lounged along, smoking a large cigar, keen-eyed and
observant, laying up for himself a store of impressions, unconsciously
irritated at every step by a sense of ostracism, of being in some
indefinable manner without kinship and wholly apart from this world, in
which it seemed natural now that he should find some place. He gazed
at the great houses without respect or envy, at the men with a fierce
contempt, at the women with a sore feeling that if by chance he should
be brought into contact with any of them they would regard him as a
sort of wild animal, to be humoured or avoided purely as a matter of
self-interest. The very brightness and brilliancy of their toilettes,
the rustling of their dresses, the trim elegance and daintiness which he
was able to appreciate without being able to understand, only served