Deadlock : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 6 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Deadlock : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 6
John Stuart Mill · en
But after spending all her available funds on an evening blouse and
borrowing a cloak from Jan she found herself at the large theatre
impressed only by the collected mass of the audience. The sense of being
small and alone, accentuated by the presence of little Mr. Shatov,
neatly in evening dress at her side, persisted, growing, until the
curtain rose. So long as they had wandered about London and sat together
in small restaurants, the world had seemed grouped about them, the vast
ignored spectator of a strange romance. But in this huge enclosure,
their small, unnoticed, unquestioned presences seemed challenged to
account for themselves. All these unmoved people, making the shut-in air
cold with their unconcern, even when they were hushed with the strange
appealing music of the overture, were moving with purpose and direction
because of their immense unconsciousness. Where were they going? What
was it all about? What, she asked herself, with a crowning pang of
desolation, as the curtain went relentlessly up, were he and she to be
or do in this world? What would they become, committed, identified, two
small desolate, helpless figures, with the crowding mass of unconscious
life?
“I find something of grandeur in the sober dignity of this apartment. It
is mediæval Germany at its best.”
“It is very dark.”
“Wait, wait. You shall see life and sunshine, all in the most beautiful
music.”
The sombre scene offered the consolation, suddenly insufficient, that
she had found in the past in sliding idly into novels, the restful sense
of vicarious life. She had heard of a wonderful philosophy in Faust, and
wondered at Mr. Shatov’s claim for its charm. But there was, she felt,
no space, on the stage, for philosophy. The scene would change, there
was “charm” and sunshine and music ahead. This scene itself was changing
as she watched. The old man talking to himself was less full of meaning
than the wonderful German interior, the pointed stonework and high,
stained windows, the carved chairs and rich old manuscripts. Even as he
talked, the light from the night-sky, pouring down outside on a
beautiful old German town, was coming in. And presently there would be
daylight scenes. The real meaning of it all was scenes, each with their
separate, rich, silent significance. The scenes were the story, the
translation of the people the actual picture of them as they were by
themselves behind all the pother...... She set herself, drifting in
solitude away from the complications of the present, to watch Germany.
The arrival of Mephistopheles was an annoying distraction suggesting
pantomine. His part in the drama was obscured by Mr. Shatov’s whispered
eulogies of Chaliapin, “the only true Mephistopheles in Europe.” It
certainly seemed right that the devil should have “a most profound bass
voice.” The chanting of angels in Paradise, she suggested, could only be
imagined in high clear soprano, whereat he maintained that women’s