78. A witty knave coming into a lace shop upon Ludgate Hill, said, he had occasion for a small quantity of very fine lace, and having pitched upon that he liked, asked the woman of the shop how much she would have for as much as could reach from one of his ears to the other, and measure which way she pleased, either over his head or under his chin. After some words they agreed, and he paid the money down, and began to measure, saying, One of my ears is here, and the other is nailed to the pillory in Bristol, therefore I fear you have not enough to make good the bargain; however, I will take this piece in part, and desire you will provide the rest with all expedition. 79. When Sir Cloudesly Shovel set out on his last expedition, there was a form of prayer composed by the Archbishop of Canterbury, for the success of the fleet, in which his grace made use of this unlucky expression, That he begged God would be a rock of defence to the fleet; which occasioned the following lines to be made upon the monument set up for him in Westminster Abbey, he being cast away in that expedition on the rocks called The Bishop and his Clerks: As Lambeth pray’d, such was the dire event, Else had we wanted now this monument; That God unto our fleet would be a rock, Nor did kind Heaven the wise petition mock: To what the Metropolitan said then, The Bishop and his Clerks replied, Amen. 80. A French marquis, being one day at dinner at the late Roger Williams’s, the famous punster and publican, and boasting of the happy genius of his nation, in projecting all the fine modes and fashions, particularly the ruffle, which, he said, was de fine ornament to de hand, and had been followed by all de oder nations. Roger allowed what he said, but observed at the same time, That the English, according to custom, had made a great improvement upon their invention, by adding the shirt to it. 81. A poor dirty shoe-boy going into a church, one Sunday evening, and seeing the parish boys standing in a row upon a bench to be catechized, he gets up himself, and stands in the very first place; so the parson, of course beginning with him, asked him, What is your name? Rugged and Tough, answered he; Who gave you that name? said Domine: Why the boys in our alley, replied poor Rugged and Tough. 82. A prince laughing at one of his courtiers, whom he had employed in several embassies, told him he looked like an owl. I know not, answered the courtier, what I look like; but this I know, that I have had the honor several times to represent your majesty’s person. 83. A lady’s age happening to be questioned, she affirmed she was but forty, and called upon a gentleman who was in company, for his opinion: Cousin, said she, do you believe I am in the right when I say I am but forty? I am sure, madam, replied he, I ought not to dispute it; for I have constantly heard you say so for above these ten years.