Loved you better than you knew — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Loved you better than you knew
John Stuart Mill · en
In spite of his seeming injustice to her, and the humiliation he
had put upon her, something in her heart vaguely pleaded in his
defense--perhaps his illness and pallor, and the keen anguish of his
voice when he had said to her so sadly that they must bid each other an
eternal farewell.
There had been something solemn, even tragic, in that parting, almost
like the farewell of death. Resentment did not have any part in its
supreme despair. It was rather
“As those who love
Are parted by the hand of death,
And one stands hushed, with reverent breath,
Gazing on funeral bier and pall.
But ere we close the coffin lid,
Let bitter memories all be hid;
If memory needs must break the spell,
Remember that I loved you well,
And o’er the rest let silence fall.”
The lovely stranger continued earnestly;
“You are young yet, and in time a new love may replace this lost one,
and bring you great happiness.”
“Happiness is not for me. I am ill-fated!” moaned Cinthia.
“Do not feel so despondent. The young are naturally morbid. I know that
by experience. I have had a great sorrow in my own life, and overlived
it.”
Cinthia looked at her almost incredulously, she seemed so fair and
bright, and her inexperienced eyes could not read the signs of a past
grief in the delicate lines about the lips and eyes.
“I have overlived it, and so will you,” repeated the lady.
“Tell me how to do it. Help me!” cried Cinthia, appealingly; and as the
lady remained gravely silent a moment, she added:
“Oh, if I could be filled with some great excitement that would occupy
my thoughts, I believe I could put him out of my mind, except in very
quiet moments. I was thinking just before you came in that I would like
to go on the stage to become a great actress.”
An expression of dismay lowered over the fair face regarding her so
intently, as Cinthia continued, eagerly:
“As we came to the hotel this morning, I saw through the carriage
windows large posters announcing the appearance of a great actress
to-night and this afternoon in a popular play. I have been thinking of
her, and that I would like to have such a life. Do you think if I tried
that I--might succeed?”
“Ah, child, you do not know what labor and trouble would be involved in
such an undertaking.”
“I should not care for that--it would be what I need to turn my
thoughts away from Arthur. And, indeed, the desire has taken hold on
me, fascinates me. I intend to try.”
“No, dear, you must not do it. It is not wise, nor desirable. I am
glad that I happened in on you this morning, for there is no one
more capable of advising you in this crisis of your life. I tell you
stage-work is heartache and sorrow even when crowned with a little
success such as Madame Ray’s, whose name you read on the posters this
morning. I tell you this, and I ought to know, for I am that woman!”
“You?” Cinthia cried, wide-eyed and wondering, and with a sad smile.
The other answered:
“Yes.”