Meleager : $b A fantasy — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Meleager : $b A fantasy
John Stuart Mill · en
It was long after seven o'clock when I found myself walking home in
the grey drizzle of the early morning. As was my custom when in town
during the last few years I rented a bedroom at my club in St James's,
and the apparition of myself in evening dress at the club doorway at
that unusual hour of return evoked a momentary look of surprise on
the face of the well-trained porter who was then sweeping the hall in
his shirt-sleeves. Making my way up to my bed-chamber, I proceeded to
carry out the first portion of my late instructions from d'Aragno.
This consisted in swallowing a tumblerful of cold water in which I had
previously dissolved the contents of a small packet he had given me
before leaving the hotel. After that I undressed and crept into bed.
On arising again I felt light as air, with the additional sensation of
being several inches taller than my actual stature. My mind too had
become singularly clear and active, so that I was enabled to carry
out all my intended preparations with ease. First of all I placed my
valuables in my trunk, which I locked; then I dressed myself in a
tweed suit, and made my way downstairs to the club smoking-room, where
I quietly undertook the final details I considered necessary before
my departure from this world. I had no parents living; my brothers
and sisters were all married and had their own homes; I had no debts,
and my few outstanding bills could be easily settled by my executors,
for some few years before I had signed a will that I deemed fair and
adequate. There was nobody to lose in any material sense by my sudden
demise; on the contrary, my brothers would obtain possession of my
property, for I was the owner of a small landed estate and of a meagre
income that was the source of secret but intense bitterness to me under
this present oppression of plutocracy. I had therefore no more arduous
task before me than to compose a letter to my favourite brother, so
that he could easily infer from its contents that I had decided to
make away with my life. This might have proved an unpleasant theme
for composition under different circumstances, but on this occasion I
experienced no difficulty in expressing myself to my own satisfaction.