I thought I could; so the housemaid and I lugged them all the way along
the stone passage and up an uncarpeted back staircase which led from
the lobby into which the door at the end of the passage opened. We went
very high up, to the top story in fact, where the housemaid led me into
a long bare room with ten little beds in it. I was well enough
accustomed to the dreariness of a school dormitory, but somehow this
room looked unusually dismal.
There was a jet of gas burning at one end of the room, near a door
opening into a lavatory which was little more than a cupboard, but in
which ten young ladies had to perform their daily ablutions. Here I
washed my face and hands in icy-cold water, and arranged my hair as
well as I could without the aid of a looking-glass, that being a luxury
not provided at Albury Lodge. The servant stood watching me as I made
this brief toilet, waiting to conduct me to the schoolroom. I followed
her, shivering as I went, to a great empty room on the first floor. The
holidays were not quite over, and none of the pupils had as yet
returned. There was an almost painful neatness and bareness in place of
the usual litter of books and papers, and I could not help thinking
that an apartment in a workhouse would have looked quite as cheerful.
Even the fire behind the high wire guard seemed to burn in a different
manner from all home fires: a fact which I attributed then to some
sympathetic property in the coal, but which I afterwards found to be
caused by a plentiful admixture of coke; a slow sulky smoke went up
from the dull mass of fuel, brightened ever so little now and then by a
sickly yellow flame. One jet of gas dimly lighted this long dreary
room, in which there was no human creature but myself and my guide.
'I'll bring you some supper presently, miss,' the housemaid said, and
departed before I could put in a timid plea for that feminine luxury, a
cup of tea.
I had not expected to find myself quite alone on this first night of my
arrival, and a feeling of hopeless wretchedness came over me as I sat
down at one end of a long green-baize-covered table, and rested my head
upon my folded arms. Of course it was very weak and foolish, a bad
beginning of my new life, but I was quite powerless to contend against
that sense of utter misery. I thought of all I had left at home. I
thought of what my life might have been if my father had been only a
little better off: and then I burst out crying as if my heart were
breaking.
Suddenly, in the midst of that foolish paroxysm, I felt a light hand
upon my shoulder, and looking up, saw a face bending over me, a face
full of sympathy and compassion.
O Milly Darrell, my darling, my love, how am I to describe you as you
appeared before my eyes that night? How poorly can any words of mine
paint you in your girlish beauty, as you looked down upon me in that
dimly-lighted schoolroom with divine compassion in your dark eloquent
eyes!