Revolving lights : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 7 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Revolving lights : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 7
John Stuart Mill · en
Surprised by the unanticipated joy of a summer holiday in miniature,
their gift, wrested by their energies from the midst of the sweltering
London July, and with their world and its ways pulling at her memory,
and the door of their good fellowship wide open before her, for an hour
she had let go and gone in and joined them, holding herself teachable,
keeping in check, while she contemplated the transformation of Mr.
Leyton under the fire of their chaff, her impulse to break into the
ceaseless jesting with some shape of conversation. And she had felt that
they regarded her as a postulant, a soul to be snatched from outer
darkness, a candidate as ready to graduate as they were, to grant a
degree. And the breaking of the group had left her free to watch the
way, without any gap of silence or difficulty of transition, they had
set the men to work on the clearing up and stowing away of the
paraphernalia of the feast; training them all the while according to the
Englishwoman's pattern, an excellent pattern, she could not fail to see,
imagining these young males as they would be, undisciplined by this
influence, and comparing them with the many unshaped young men she had
observed on their passage through the Tansley Street house.
But all the time she had been half aware that she was only watching a
picture, a charmed familiar scene, as significant and as unreal as the
set figure of a dance. Giving herself to its discipline she would reap
experience and knowledge, confirming truths; but only truths with which
she was already familiar, leading down to a lonely silence, where
everything still remained unanswered, and the dancers their unchanged
unexpressed selves. Individual converse with these young men on the
terms these women had trained them to accept, was impossible to
contemplate. Every word would be spoken in a dark void.
Breaking in, as the little feast ended in a storm of flying buns and
eggshells, a little scene that she had forgotten completely at the
moment of its occurrence had risen sharply clear in her mind.... A
family party of quiet soberly dressed Scotch Canadian people from the
far-west, seated together at the end of the Tansley Street dinner-table,
coming out, on the eve of their departure, from the enclosure of their
small, subduedly conversing group, to respond, in level friendly tones,
to some bold person's enquiries as to the success of their visit. The
sudden belated intimacy, ripened in silence, had seemed very good,
compressed into a single occasion that would leave the impression of
these homely people single and strong, so well worth losing that their
loss would be a permanent acquisition. Suddenly from their midst, the
voice of the youngest daughter, a pale, bitter-faced girl with a long
thin pigtail of sandy hair, had rung out down the table.