Revolving lights : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 7 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Revolving lights : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 7
John Stuart Mill · en
It was glorious that there had been no fussing. No one had even asked
her to sit down. She could have sung for relief. She wanted to sing the
quivering alien song that was singing itself in the spaces of the room.
There was a chair just at hand against the wall, beside a dilapidated
wicker laundry basket. But her coffee was where Michael had deposited
it, on the chest of drawers at his side. She must recover it, go round
in front of Lintoff to get it before she sat down. She did not want the
coffee, but she would go round for the joy of moving in the room. She
passed him and stood arrested by the talk flowing to and fro between her
and her goal. Michael rose and stood with her, still talking. She waited
a moment, weaving into his deep emphatic tones the dreamy absent voice
of Lintoff.
Michael moved away with a question to Madame Lintoff sitting alone
behind them on her bed. She was left standing, turned towards Lintoff,
suddenly aware of the tide that flowed from him as he stood, still
motionless, in the middle of the room. He stood poised, without
stiffness, his narrow height neither drooping nor upright; as if held in
place by the surrounding atmosphere. Nothing came to trouble the space
between them as she moved towards him, drawn by the powerful tide. She
felt she could have walked through him. She was quite near him now, her
face lifted towards the strange radiance of the thin white face, the
glow of the flaming beard; a man's face, yielded up to her, and free
from the least flicker of reminder.
"What do you think? What do you _see_?" she heard herself ask. Words
made no break in the tide holding her there at rest.
His words followed hers like a continuation of her phrase:
"Mademoiselle, I see the _People_." His eyes were on hers, an intense
blue light; not concentrated on her; going through her and beyond in a
widening radiance. She was caught up through the unresisting eyes; the
dreamy voice away behind her. She saw the wide white spaces of Russia;
motionless dark forms in troops, waiting....
She was back again, looking into the eyes that were now upon her
personally; but not in the Englishman's way. It was a look of remote
intense companionship. She sustained it, helpless to protest her
unworthiness. He did not know that she had just flown forward from
herself out and away; that her faint vision of what he saw as he spoke
was the outpost of all her experience. He was waiting to speak with an
equal, to share.... He had no social behaviour. No screen of adopted
voice or manner. There was evil in him; all the evils that were in
herself, but unscreened. He was careless of them. She smiled and met his
swift answering smile; it was as if he said, "I know; isn't everything
wonderful." ... They moved with one accord and stood side by side before
the gleaming candles. Across the room the two Russian voices were
sounding one against the other; Michael's grudging sceptical bass and
the soft weary moaning contralto.