Revolving lights : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 7 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Revolving lights : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 7
John Stuart Mill · en
"Do you like Maeterlinck?" she asked, staring anxiously into the flame
of the nearest candle. He turned towards her with eager words of assent.
She felt his delighted smile shining through the sudden enthusiastic
disarray of his features and gazed into the candle summoning up the
vision of the old man sitting alone by his lamp. The glow uniting them
came from the old man's lamp ... this young man was a revolutionary and
a doctor of philosophy; yet the truth of the inside life was in him,
nearer to him than all his strong activities. They could have nothing
more to say to each other. It would be destruction to say anything more.
She dropped her eyes and he was at once at an immense distance. Behind
her closed door she stood alone grappling her certainties, trying to
answer the voice that cried out within her against the barriers between
them of language and relationships. Lintoff began to walk about the
room. Every time his movements brought him near he stood before her in
eager discourse. She caught the drift of the statements he flung out in
a more solid, more flexible French, mixed with struggling, stiff,
face-stiffening scraps of English. The people, alive and one and the
same all over the world, crushed by the half-people, the educated
specialists, and by the upper classes dead and dying of their luxury.
She agreed and agreed, delighting in the gentleness of his unhampered
movements, in his unself-conscious, uncompeting speech. If what he said
were true, the people to pity were the specialists and the upper
classes; clean sepulchres.... How would he take opposition?
"Isn't it weird, étrange," she cried suddenly into a pause in his
struggling discourse, "that Christians are just the very people who make
the most fuss about death?"
He had not understood the idiom. Sunned in his waiting smile she glanced
aside to frame a translation.
"N'y a rien de plus drôle," she began. How cynical it sounded; a cynical
French voice striking jests out of the surface of things; neighing them
against closed nostrils, with muzzles tight-crinkled in Mephistophelian
mirth. She glanced back at him, distracted by the reflection that the
contraction of the nostrils for French made _everything_ taut....
"Isn't it funny that speaking French banishes the inside of everything;
makes you see only _things_?" she said hurriedly, not meaning him to
understand; hoping he would not come down to grasp and struggle with the
small thought; yet longing to ask him suddenly whether he found it
difficult to trim the nails of his right hand with his left.