Slighted love : $b or, At her heart's expense — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Slighted love : $b or, At her heart's expense
John Stuart Mill · en
It was far into October now, and the autumn leaves were turning from
red and gold to russet-brown and whirling through the chilly air; the
nuts were ripe in the woods, and in the city streets people began to
appear in warm clothing and furs; and Italy remembered that it was in
the waning days of the bright summer that she had gone on that fatal
little sailing trip with Francis Murray--far back in the last of summer
since she had heard his voice, full of love and yearning, calling her
“love,” “darling,” then fading out into the silence of a terrible
mystery.
She awoke one stormy midnight, weeping, from a dreadful nightmare dream
in which she had seen Francis Murray lying dead and cold upon the beach
at Winthrop. It was storming wildly outdoors, and the noise had seemed
to her, in her sleep, like the rush of waves that threw that pallid,
drowned corpse at her feet.
Italy flung herself, in her dream, upon the cold, dead form and kissed
the glorious face that she had never kissed in life--kissed the closed
eyes, the marble-white brow, the cold, stiff lips that had called her
in that last, supreme moment, “love,” “darling.”
“Oh, I love you, I love you!” she cried out to the dead, and then she
awoke, weeping wildly.
She heard the wild rain swirling against the windows, and the gale
shrieking around the corners of the streets. In the darkness she groped
her way to the window and looked through the curtains into the street.
By the white electric lights she saw the swirling sheets of rain go
dashing past, swept by the cyclonic force of the wind, and the branches
of the leafless trees bending and writhing and snapping off as though
in the embrace of a gigantic monster. With a shudder she dropped the
curtains together and crouched miserably upon the floor, her face in
her hands.
“Oh, how dreadful it is, how dreadful--yet not so terrible as my
dream!” she moaned. “Oh, is he dead, dead, and lost forever? Or did I
wrong him with my wild suspicions? Was he noble and true, as he seemed?
Who, then, was the fiend that murdered my father? Not Francis Murray,
ah, no, no, no! Let me do him justice, now that he is dead. He was not
the fiend I came here to find. He was noble, godlike, and I--loved him.
Yes, I loved him from the first hour we met. I realize it now, in the
darkness of my great despair.”
She thought of the bereaved mother, alone and lonely in the splendid
home at Winthrop, and her heart yearned over her.