Strictly Business: More Stories of the Four Million — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
Strictly Business: More Stories of the Four Million
John Stuart Mill · en
“You’ve been looking for me,” said Thomas, “and don’t know my name?
You’re a funny kind of sleuth. You must be one of the Central Office
gumshoers. I’m Thomas McQuade, of course; and I’ve been chauffeur of
the Van Smuythe elephant team for a year. They fired me a month ago
for—well, doc, you saw what I did to your old owl. I went broke on
booze, and when I saw the tire drop off your whiz wagon I was standing
in that squad of hoboes at the Worth monument waiting for a free bed.
Now, what’s the prize for the best answer to all this?”
To his intense surprise Thomas felt himself lifted by the collar and
dragged, without a word of explanation, to the front door. This was
opened, and he was kicked forcibly down the steps with one heavy,
disillusionizing, humiliating impact of the stupendous Arabian’s shoe.
As soon as the ex-coachman had recovered his feet and his wits he
hastened as fast as he could eastward toward Broadway.
“Crazy guy,” was his estimate of the mysterious automobilist. “Just
wanted to have some fun kiddin’, I guess. He might have dug up a
dollar, anyhow. Now I’ve got to hurry up and get back to that gang of
bum bed hunters before they all get preached to sleep.”
When Thomas reached the end of his two-mile walk he found the ranks of
the homeless reduced to a squad of perhaps eight or ten. He took the
proper place of a newcomer at the left end of the rear rank. In a file
in front of him was the young man who had spoken to him of hospitals
and something of a wife and child.
“Sorry to see you back again,” said the young man, turning to speak to
him. “I hoped you had struck something better than this.”
“Me?” said Thomas. “Oh, I just took a run around the block to keep
warm! I see the public ain’t lending to the Lord very fast to-night.”
“In this kind of weather,” said the young man, “charity avails itself
of the proverb, and both begins and ends at home.”
And the Preacher and his vehement lieutenant struck up a last hymn of
petition to Providence and man. Those of the Bed Liners whose windpipes
still registered above 32 degrees hopelessly and tunelessly joined in.
In the middle of the second verse Thomas saw a sturdy girl with
wind-tossed drapery battling against the breeze and coming straight
toward him from the opposite sidewalk. “Annie!” he yelled, and ran
toward her.
“You fool, you fool!” she cried, weeping and laughing, and hanging upon
his neck, “why did you do it?”
“The Stuff,” explained Thomas briefly. “You know. But subsequently nit.
Not a drop.” He led her to the curb. “How did you happen to see me?”
“I came to find you,” said Annie, holding tight to his sleeve. “Oh, you
big fool! Professor Cherubusco told us that we might find you here.”
“Professor Ch–––– Don’t know the guy. What saloon does he work in?”
“He’s a clairvoyant, Thomas; the greatest in the world. He found you
with the Chaldean telescope, he said.”
“He’s a liar,” said Thomas. “I never had it. He never saw me have
anybody’s telescope.”