A man was sitting on the track of the New London road, when the train came along and pitched him head over heels into the bushes. The train stopped and backed to pick up the body, when the man coolly informed the conductor, as he brushed the dirt from his coat sleeves, that if he "had damaged the engine any he was ready to settle for it," and walked off home. A QUAKER WOMAN'S SERMON.--385. My dear friends, there are three things I very much wonder at. The first is, that children should be so foolish as to throw up stones, clubs, and brickbats into fruit-trees, to knock down fruit; if they would let it alone it would fall itself. The second is, that men should be so foolish, and even so wicked, as to go to war and kill each other; if let alone they would die themselves. And the third, and last, thing that I wonder at is, that young men should be so unwise as to go after the young women; if they would stay at home the young women would come after them. A DELICATE CUT.--386. A couple of Albany ecclesiastics were at Saratoga at the time of the annual races, which were under the management of Morrissey, the famous prize-fighter, gamester, &c. Parson M----, a Baptist clergyman, and Father C----, a Catholic priest, are both jolly fellows in an innocent way, and, despite their difference of creed, remarkably good friends. Meeting each other, M---- said jocosely, as he approached the other, "Ah! I understand it, you have come to attend the races!" and added, "Do you know Morrissey?" "No," said Father C----, "and I beg you won't introduce me." NOVEL TELEGRAPHIC MESSAGE.--387. The following telegraphic message was sent from an Albany office:--"To ---- Third Epistle of John, 13th and 14th verses. Signed ----." The text referred to is as follows, and makes quite a lengthy and understandable letter:--"I had many things to write, but I will not with ink and pen write to thee. But I trust I shall shortly see thee, and we shall speak face to face. Peace be to thee. Our friends salute thee. Greet the friends by name." BREAKFAST IN BED.--388. A new way of keeping warm has been put in practice with good effect. It is to have a buckwheat cake made large enough to cover the bed-quilt, and spread over it "piping hot" at the time of retiring. When made of sufficient thickness it retains the heat until morning, and if a person is too lazy to get up, he can make a very good breakfast off the edges as he lies. SHEDDING THEIR LAST DROP OF BLOOD.--389. "General," said Major Jack Downing, "I always observed that those persons who have a great deal to say about being ready to shed their last drop of blood, are amazin' pertic'lar about the first drop." We have too many of that style of patriots now-a-days. POINTED RETORT.--390. A politician was boasting in a public speech that he could bring an argument to a p'int as quick as any other man. "You can bring a quart to a pint a good deal quicker," replied an acquaintance. THE LETTER R.--391.