The happiest time of their lives — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The happiest time of their lives
John Stuart Mill · en
Several times during the preceding evening she had thought he was going
to say something of the kind, for they had danced together a great
deal; but they had always danced in silence. At the time, with his
arm about her, silence had seemed enough; but in separation there is
something wonderfully solid and comforting in the memory of a spoken
word; it is like a coin in the pocket. And after Miss Severance had
bidden him good night at the long glass door of the paneled ball-room
without his saying anything of a future meeting, she had gone up-stairs
with a heavy heart to find her maid and her wrap. She knew as soon
as she reached the dressing-room that she had actually hurried her
departure for the sake of the parting; for the hope, as their time
together grew short, of having some certainty to look forward to. But
he had said nothing, and she had been ashamed to find that she was
waiting, leaving her hand in his too long; so that at last she snatched
it away, and was gone up-stairs in an instant, fearing he might have
guessed what was going on in her mind.
She had thought it just an accident that he was in the hall when she
came down again, and he hadn’t much choice, she said to herself, about
helping her into her motor. Then at the very last moment he had asked
if he mightn’t come and see her the next afternoon. Miss Severance, who
was usually sensitive to inconveniencing other people, had not cared at
all about the motor behind hers that was tooting its horn or for the
elderly lady in feathers and diamonds who was waiting to get into it.
She had cared only about arranging the hour and impressing the address
upon him. He had given her back the pleasure of her whole evening like
a parting gift.
As she drove home she couldn’t bring herself to doubt, though she tried
to be rational about the whole experience, that it had meant as much
to him as it had to her, perhaps more. Her lips curved a little at the
thought, and she glanced quickly at her maid to see if the smile had
been visible in the glare of the tall, double lamps of Fifth Avenue.
To say she had not slept would be untrue, but she had slept close
to the surface of consciousness, as if a bright light were shining
somewhere near, and she had waked with the definite knowledge that this
light was the certainty of seeing him that very day. The morning had
gone very well; she had even forgotten once or twice for a few seconds,
and then remembered with a start of joy that was almost painful:
but, after lunch, time had begun to drag like the last day of a long
sea-voyage.