The Laughing Mill, and Other Stories — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Laughing Mill, and Other Stories
John Stuart Mill · en
Yet the house was not deserted. An elderly woman, with a forbidding face
that had once been handsome, moved to and fro behind the windows; and a
man, bent and feeble, with strangely-grizzled hair, sat motionless for
hours at a time in his study-chair. Sometimes, in his loneliness, he
would set his teeth edge to edge, and clench his thin hands desperately,
and utter an inarticulate sound of menace. But at a certain hour of the
evening he would arise and walk with noiseless steps to the door of a
darkened chamber. There he would pause and lean and listen. Presently
from within would be heard the shrill, petulant crying of an infant,
and anon the voice of its young mother, sad and tender, soothing and
pathetic: "Baby, baby, don't cry; hush, hush, hush! father will come to
us soon; he will come, he will come! he loves us and will never leave
us; hush, hush, hush!"
At these sounds the pallid visage of the man would quiver and darken,
and he would press his clenched hands upon his breast. Returning at
length to his study, he got upon his knees and stretched his arms
upwards.
"God--God of evil or of good, whichever you are--give my enemy into my
power! Let my curse work upon him till it destroy him: let my eyes see
him perish! He has robbed me of my love, and my hope, and my salvation;
he has defiled and dishonoured that which was mine; he has made my life
a desert and an abomination! Yet I would live, and suffer all this and
more, if he might perish by my curse, body and soul, for ever! Grant me
this, God or Devil, and after do with me what you will!"
Such was his prayer. But he never entered the darkened chamber where the
child and its young mother lay; he never looked upon them or spoke to
them, nor did his heart forgive them. He could not forgive till he had
had revenge. Since that hour in which he had first learnt the truth, and
with hysteric fury had sprung at the seducer's throat, his soul had been
empoisoned against them and all the world. He was possessed by that
devil to which he prayed, and good was evil to him.
One day he was standing in a kind of stupor at his window staring out
at the black mill-wheel, which was now the only object in the world
with which he felt himself in sympathy. There came a knock at the
door, and Jael, the housekeeper, entered. Since the calamity which had
befallen, her manner towards Gloam had undergone a change. She had
before exercised a kind of authority over him, such as a compact and
unsympathetic nature easily acquires over one of wider culture but
more sensitive than itself. But Gloam had become more terrible in his
desolation than a less naturally gentle man would have been; and Jael
feared him. She felt that he might murder her; and minded her steps,
lest in some sudden paroxysm he should leap out upon her.
She advanced a little way into the room, and stopped. He did not turn,
or show that he was aware of her presence. After a few moments she said: