The mill of silence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The mill of silence
John Stuart Mill · en
“More fool you. If you like to tempt the devil you should have the
brass to outface him. Why, you’ve got it!” I cried, for he suddenly
let fall from his trembling hand a little round glittering object,
whose nature I could not determine in the stormy twilight.
He had it in his clutch again in a moment, though I pounced for it,
and then he backed through the open doorway.
“It’s naught that concerns you,” he said; “keep off, you beast!”
“What is it?” I cried.
“Water-parings,” said he, and clapped to the door in my face as I
rushed at him, and I heard him scuttle upstairs. The latch caught me
in the chest and knocked my breath out for a bit, so that I was unable
to follow, and probably he ran and bolted himself into his bedroom. In
any case, I had no mind for pursuit, my heart being busy with other
affairs; and there I remained and thought them out. Presently, being
well braced to the ordeal, I went indoors and upstairs to the living
room, where I was persuaded I should find my father. And there he sat,
pretty hot with drink and with a comfortless, glowering devil in his
eyes.
“Well!” he thundered, “what do you want?”
I managed to get out, with some firmness, “A word with you, dad,”
though his eyes disquieted me.
“Make it one, then, and a quick one!”
“Zyp and I were sitting behind a hedge this afternoon when you and Dr.
Crackenthorpe were at words on the other side.”
His eyes shriveled me, but the motion of his lips seemed to signify to
me that I was to go on.
“Dad, if he has any hold over you, let me share the bother and help if
I can.”
He had sat with his right hand on the neck of the bottle from which he
had been drinking, and he now flung the latter at me, with a snarl
like that of a mad dog. Fortunately for me, in the very act some flash
of impulse unnerved him, so that the bottle spun up to the ceiling and
crashed down again to the floor, from which the scattered liquor sent
up a pungent, sickening odor. Then he leaped to his feet and yelled at
me. I could make nothing of his words, save that they clashed into one
another in a torrent of furious invective. But in the midst his voice
stopped, with a vibrating snap; he put his hand to his forehead,
which, I saw with horror, was suddenly streaked with purple, and down
he sunk to the floor in a heap.
I was terribly frightened, and, running to him, endeavored in a
frantic manner to pull him into a sitting posture. I had half
succeeded, when, lying propped up against the leg of the table, he
gave a groan and bade me in a weak voice to let him be; and presently
to my joy I saw the natural color come back to his face by slow
degrees. By and by he was able to slide into the chair he had left,
where he lay panting and exhausted, but recovering.
“Renalt, my lad,” he said, in a dragging voice, “what was that you
said just now? Let’s have it again.”
I hesitated, but he smiled at me and bade me not to fear. Thus
encouraged, I repeated my statement.