The mill of silence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The mill of silence
John Stuart Mill · en
“Sure,” he said, “the old crazed mill?” Then I thought he muttered:
“Well, ’tis one vermin the less,” but I was not sure and nothing
mattered--nothing.
He asked me if I would like to ride with it inside. The mere
suggestion was terror to me, and I stammered out that I would rather
walk, for I had tried my best already and had given up hope.
So we set off slowly through the dumb, haunted twilight. Thoughts
would not come to me in any definite form. I imagined the cathedral
bells were ringing, till I found it was only a jangling in my brain,
discordant and unearthly. People came toward us who on nearing were
resolved into distorted rags of mist; voices croaked with laughter,
and they were only the swung branches of trees.
Suddenly I heard an exclamation--real enough this time--and saw the
carter run to the head of his team and stop them.
“Woa, then!” he cried, in a frightened voice; and then with terrified
impatience: “Coom hither, marn; I tell ’ee. Don’t ’ee stand theer
gawking at the air. Dang it, the ghost walks!” He stamped his heavy
foot, seeing me motionless; then cried again: “Take thee foul burden
out o’ the wain and dang me for a fool ever to have meddled wi’t!”
A gush of wondrous hope flooded my breast. I tore to the rear of the
wagon, dashed back the curtain--and there was Modred sitting up and
swaying feebly from side to side.
I leaped; I caught him in my arms; my breath came in laughter and
sobs. “Oh, Modred, Modred!” I cried. “I didn’t mean it--it wasn’t
me--I’m not like that!” and then I broke down and wept long and
convulsively, though I would never let him out of my clutch.
“Where am I?” he said, faintly; “oh, it hurts so. Every vein in my
body is bursting with pain.”
At this I beat under my hysterical outburst and set to rubbing him all
over in frantic eagerness. It seemed to ease him a little and I
blessed him that he lay passively against me and did not offer to push
me away. Poor fellow, he was far too weak as yet for any resistance.
Presently I heard the carter bawl in tremulous tones: “Art gone, the
two of ’ee?”
“Come here,” I called back, with a tearful laugh. “He’s better; he’s
recovered!”
The fellow came round gingerly and stood a little distance off.
“Eh?” he said, dubiously.
“See for yourself!” I cried. “He wasn’t drowned after all. He’s come
round!”
The man spat viciously in the road and came sullenly forward. He was
defrauded of an excitement and he felt the injury grievously.
“You young varmint!” he growled. “Them’s your tricks for to get a free
lift.”
“Nonsense!” I said, buoyantly; “you yourself thought him dead. Carry
us on to the mill and I’ll promise you a proper skinful of liquor.”
He was crabbed and undecided, but presently he went forward and
whipped up his horses with a surly oath. As the wagon pitched, Modred
opened his eyes, which he had shut, and looked up at me.
“Are you feeling better, old boy?” I said, tenderly.
“The pain isn’t so bad, but I’m tired to death,” said he.