The mill of silence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The mill of silence
John Stuart Mill · en
At the terminus Dolly would have no further escort home. She was tired
out, she said, and begged only we would see her into an omnibus and go
our ways without her.
As the vehicle lumbered off I turned fiercely upon my brother.
CHAPTER XXIII.
A LETTER AND AN ANSWER.
“You dog!” I said, in a low, stern voice; “tell me the meaning of
this.”
He gave a little, mocking, airy laugh and, thrusting his hands into
his pockets, wheeled round upon me.
“What’s your question?” said he.
“You know. What have you said to the girl to make her treat me like
this?”
He raised his eyebrows in assumed perplexity.
“Really,” he said, “you go a long way to seek. What have I said? How
have you behaved, you mean.”
“You lie--I don’t! I know her, that’s enough. If you have told her my
story----”
“If?” he repeated, coolly.
“I may add a last chapter to it, in which you’ll figure--that’s all.”
He was a little startled, I could see, but retained his sang froid,
with an effort.
“You jump too much to conclusion, my good fellow. I have said nothing
to her about your little affair with Modred as yet.”
“That means you intend to hold it over my head as a menace where she
is concerned. I know you.”
“Then you know a very charming fellow. Why, what a dolt you are!
Here’s a pother because I play cavalier to a girl whom you throw over
in a fit of sulks. I couldn’t do less in common decency.”
“Take care that you do no more. I’m not the only one to reckon with in
this business.”
“A fig for that!” he cried, snapping his fingers. “I’m not to be
coerced into taking second place if I have a fancy for first.”
“I warn you; that’s enough. For the rest, let’s understand one
another. I’ll have no more of this sham for convention’s sake. We’re
enemies, and we’ll be known for enemies. My door’s shut to you. Keep
out of my way and think twice before you make me desperate.”
With that I turned and strode from him. His mocking laugh came after
me again, but I took no notice of it.
Should I tell Duke all? I shrunk from the mere thought. A coward even
then, I dared not confess to him how I had betrayed my trust; what
fearful suspicions of the nature of my failure lay dark on my heart.
No--I must see Dolly first and force my sentence from her lips.
He put down the book he was reading from, as I entered the
sitting-room.
“Well,” he said, cheerily, “what success?”
I sat away from him, beyond the radiance of the lamp, and affected to
be busy unlacing my boots.
“I can’t say as yet, Duke. Do you mind postponing the question for a
day or two?”
“Of course, if you wish it.” I felt the surprise in his tone. “Mayn’t
I ask why?”
“Not now, old fellow. I missed my opportunity, that’s all.”
“Is anything wrong, Renny?”
“Not all right, at least.”
“Renny, why shouldn’t it be? I can’t be mistaken as to the direction
of her feelings--by my soul, I can’t.”
“I’m not so sure,” I said, in a voice of great distress.
He recognized it and stopped questioning me at once.