The Senator's Bride — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Senator's Bride
John Stuart Mill · en
Better for her if she had been, perhaps. There are but few women who
find the world so fair that the grave is not held as a refuge for their
tired souls and bodies. But Grace came back, with a little gasping
sigh, to the life that had never held much attraction for her, and with
a trembling arm drew her baby to her breast.
"Poor little Paul!" she quavered, "he is hungry and fretful. Go and
get his bath ready, Norah. I can't think how I came to faint. I feel
well enough now, and it is quite unusual to me to lose consciousness so
easily."
She was herself again. Pride sat regnant on her brow, on her curling
lip, in her quiet eyes. It held her up when the poor heart felt
like breaking. She had learned the lesson long ago--learned it too
thoroughly to forget.
So the day passed quietly away. She had briefly explained to the
curious servants that their master had been called off by an emergency
that required his absence from home. She did not know at what time he
would return--he did not know himself yet. In the meantime all would go
on in the house as usual. And with this miserable subterfuge, for which
she despised herself, the young wife tried to shield her husband's name
from the sharp arrows of censure.
Two or three visitors were announced that evening, but she quietly
declined seeing company; and so one of the longest days of her life
wore to its close, as even the longest, dreariest days will, if we only
have patience to wait.
She was not patient, nor yet impatient. A dull, reckless endurance
upheld her in that and succeeding days of waiting that passed the same.
She heard nothing from her husband. In the excited, unnatural state of
her mind, smarting under the sense of injustice and wrong, it seemed to
her that she did not care to hear.
She spent her time altogether with her little son, never seeing company
nor going out. When Norah took the child out for his daily airing
and ride through the fresh air, she whiled away the time till his
return by reckless playing on the grand piano or organ, in the elegant
drawing-room. She could not settle herself to reading, sewing, or any
other feminine employment. She filled up the great blank that had come
into her life as best she might with the sublime creations of the old
masters.
Sometimes the very spirit of mirth and gayety soared in music's melting
strains from the grand piano; sometimes the soul of sadness and despair
wailed along the organ chords, but the fair face kept its changeless,
impassive calm through all, while the white fingers flew obedient to
her will. Sometimes she tried to sing, but the spirit of song was
wanting. She could not even sing to her child, could scarcely speak,
and started sometimes at the hollow echo of her own sweet voice.