The Sorrows of Satan: or, The Strange Experience of One Geoffrey Tempest, Millionaire: A Romance — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Sorrows of Satan: or, The Strange Experience of One Geoffrey Tempest, Millionaire: A Romance
John Stuart Mill · en
During a certain bitter winter, long remembered for its arctic severity,
when a great wave of intense cold spread freezing influences not alone
over the happy isles of Britain, but throughout all Europe, I, Geoffrey
Tempest, was alone in London and well-nigh starving. Now a starving man
seldom gets the sympathy he merits,--so few can be persuaded to believe
in him. Worthy folks who have just fed to repletion are the most
incredulous, some of them being even moved to smile when told of
existing hungry people, much as if these were occasional jests invented
for after-dinner amusement. Or, with that irritating vagueness of
attention which characterizes fashionable folk to such an extent that
when asking a question they neither wait for the answer nor understand
it when given, the well-dined groups, hearing of some one starved to
death, will idly murmur 'How dreadful!' and at once turn to the
discussion of the latest 'fad' for killing time, ere it takes to killing
them with sheer _ennui_. The pronounced fact of being hungry sounds
coarse and common, and is not a topic for polite society, which always
eats more than sufficient for its needs. At the period I am speaking of
however, I, who have since been one of the most envied of men, knew the
cruel meaning of the word hunger, too well,--the gnawing pain, the sick
faintness, the deadly stupor, the insatiable animal craving for mere
food, all of which sensations are frightful enough to those who are,
unhappily, daily inured to them, but which when they afflict one who has
been tenderly reared and brought up to consider himself a
'gentleman,'--God save the mark! are perhaps still more painful to bear.
And I felt that I had not deserved to suffer the wretchedness in which I
found myself. I had worked hard. From the time my father died, leaving
me to discover that every penny of the fortune I imagined he possessed
was due to swarming creditors, and that nothing of all our house and
estate was left to me except a jewelled miniature of my mother who had
lost her own life in giving me birth,--from that time I say, I had put
my shoulder to the wheel and toiled late and early. I had turned my
University education to the only use for which it or I seemed
fitted,--literature. I had sought for employment on almost every journal
in London,--refused by many, taken on trial by some, but getting steady
pay from none. Whoever seeks to live by brain and pen alone is, at the
beginning of such a career, treated as a sort of social pariah. Nobody
wants him,--everybody despises him. His efforts are derided, his
manuscripts are flung back to him unread, and he is less cared for than
the condemned murderer in gaol. The murderer is at least fed and
clothed,--a worthy clergyman visits him, and his gaoler will
occasionally condescend to play cards with him. But a man gifted with
original thoughts and the power of expressing them, appears to be
regarded by everyone in authority as much worse than the worst criminal,