The Stronger Influence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Stronger Influence
John Stuart Mill · en
Again it seemed to her that he looked on her presence as an intrusion,
that he preferred to take his rambles without the thought of
encountering any one. An emotion that was a mixture of impatience and
anger seized her at his selfishness.
"There is room for both of us," she said with a touch of scorn in her
voice. "And we travel in opposite directions."
The man's features relaxed in a smile, the first she had seen cross his
face, an involuntary, whimsical smile. A gleam of understanding lit his
eye.
"Yes," he allowed briefly, and lifted his hat again, and walked on,
leaving the girl with the feeling of having suffered a snub.
She looked after him, as he went on, still hitting aimlessly at the
grass with his thick stick as he walked, until he rounded the bend and
disappeared from her view. Then, dispirited and out of humour with the
day, she left the shade of the trees and took her way upward and
returned to the hotel.
At breakfast she saw the man again. He came in late, and dropped into
his seat beside her with an air of weariness, as though he had walked
far and was tired. She did not look at him; but she felt his gaze on
her when he came behind her chair and drew his own chair back from the
table. When he sat down he glanced at her deliberately. She went on
with her breakfast and ignored his presence. Later, this struck her as
unkind and somewhat childish. But it was not possible to make amends;
the opportunity was past.
He sat, as he always sat at table, with his head bent over his plate in
complete disregard of every one. But the presence of the girl beside
him, her partly averted face, the nearness of a projecting elbow with
its white, prettily rounded arm, forced themselves on his notice, made
him intensely self-conscious. He put out a hand for the glass of milk
and soda which stood beside his plate and lifted it unsteadily. The
sight of his own shaking hand unnerved him, made him horribly and
painfully alive to this ugly physical defect. Impatiently he jerked his
arm upward; the glass tilted and the contents foamed over, ran down the
cloth and on to the girl's skirt. He fumbled awkwardly, almost dropped
the glass in his agitation, righted it clumsily and turned, napkin in
hand, his face crimson, and began to sop up the liquid.
"I'm awfully sorry," he mumbled. "I can't think how I came to do that.
I'm sorry."
Esme turned quietly and watched him while with increasing embarrassment
he timidly wiped her dress. In pity for him she put out a hand and took
the napkin from him.
"Don't trouble," she said. "It's nothing really."
"I've spoilt your dress," he said.
"Oh! no. It's a frock on friendly terms with the wash-tub. That will
be all right."
"It's kind of you to make light of it," he said. "But I'm ashamed of my
clumsiness."