The Stronger Influence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Stronger Influence
John Stuart Mill · en
The supper dance gave him the right to claim her again. In the interim
he had done a lot of thinking. He had his phrases turned and clear in
his mind. He knew very definitely what he wanted to say; he had
rehearsed it in his thoughts endless times. And he knew the right
atmosphere for the deliverance of those neatly turned sentences. He
wasn't going to fling the thing at her in a crowded room with numberless
people present. They would slip away together in the moonlight, and
stroll along the sea wall, against which the tiny waves broke softly,
running in and curling round the rocks, slapping musically against the
stonework which checked their further advance. He could tell her to the
accompaniment of the sea what he could not tell her in a hot and crowded
place. He wanted her to himself, away from these others.
It was not a difficult matter to persuade her to go with him. With the
finish of supper they left the hall together, crossed the moonlit
square, passed the Customs House, and so on to the sea wall, where the
quiet of the night was undisturbed; the swish of lapping water and the
low murmur of the sea were the only audible sounds in the surrounding
stillness.
He sat down beside her on a seat cut into the wall, and remained very
still, holding her hand and looking away to where the ships rode at
anchor far out on the silver sea. All the things which he had meant to
say to her, all his carefully planned sentences, eluded him; he felt
intensely, horribly nervous as he sat there in the growing silence,
holding her hand and looking out across the sea.
The girl sat and looked at the water also and forgot the man beside her.
Her thoughts were away from her present surroundings. She was thinking
of a sentence in one of Hallam's letters, while she sat silent in the
moonlight and saw the surface of the sea, as he had seen it from his
window while he wrote his letter to her, splashed with silver, broken up
and spread over it, a running liquid fire. It was here just as he had
described it--the same sea, the same moon,--with the waste of waters
intervening, dividing them in everything but thought. Sinclair had made
a mistake in taking her down to the sea.
"Esme!" he said presently, breaking the dragging silence, and pressing
her hand warmly in his strong grasp. "Esme!"
She turned her face to his, wholly unaware of the emotional stress under
which he laboured, but conscious of a quality in his voice which
rendered it unfamiliar. She saw his face close to hers, strained and
white in the moonlight, heard his breathing, hard and deep, like the
breathing of a man after violent exercise, and felt a faint surprise.
Dimly she began to realise that something unusual was happening; a look
of apprehension grew in her eyes.
He groped about after the sentences he had so carefully prepared, but
his mind was a blank. He could think of nothing effective to say; and
all the while her eyes, puzzled and questioning, were on his face.