The Stronger Influence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Stronger Influence
John Stuart Mill · en
"You knew," he said, "how things were? I think we both assumed it from
the moment you arrived. But John has put matters on a businesslike
footing. I said I meant to marry you. I do--if you'll take me. You
know what I am. I think you know more about me than any one. Any good
that is in me is of your making--"
"No," she interrupted quickly. But he took no heed of that, and went on
as if she had not spoken.
"When I met you I was drifting. No other influence, I believe, could
have pulled me up. It was not merely that you made me realise the folly
of wasting my life; you opened my mind to more than that. I have come
to see that man has a duty towards his fellow-men; that he has got to
serve the community: if he serve it ill, he plays a mean part; if his
service be good he doesn't merit praise, he is simply doing his job.
You have pulled me out of the mire; now that I have cleaned some of the
mud off I want you to take me by the hand and continue the journey with
me. There isn't any need for me to say in words that I love you. I
think you guessed that long ago."
He looked down and saw her face all flushed and confused, with eyes, too
shy to meet his own, lowered till the lashes touched her cheeks. He
longed to take her in his arms and kiss her; but the open road was ill
suited to his purpose, and he decided to wait.
"Dear, will you marry me?" he asked.
For one fleeting moment she lifted her eyes to his face, and her look
was so sweet and so gravely tender when it met his that his longing
increased. Then she looked away again and answered softly:
"Yes."
Bald little monosyllable, which was all her lips could utter though her
heart was filled with love for him; but it sufficed for Hallam. He
pressed closer to her and bent down over her and touched her hand.
"I want to kiss you," he muttered. "I'm longing to kiss your lips."
She looked up, startled, and moved a little away from him. The
passionate urgency in his voice was so altogether unexpected and
unfamiliar that she felt disquieted. She was afraid of being seen from
the hotel.
"Not now," she faltered. "Wait, I haven't got used to the idea yet.
Not now."
He laughed quietly.
"Little duffer!" he said. "Do you suppose I am going to make love to
you in front of the windows of the hotel? I'll wait--until we are
alone. Then..."
Voice and eyes were eloquent. There was an air of confident mastery
about him. She felt increasingly shy of him. He seemed suddenly to
loom bigger, to express qualities of a virile and dominating nature
which she had not suspected were in him. It was as though he put out a
hand and took her heart in it and held it in a firm grasp. It
frightened her just a little. Her breath came quicker and her pulses
beat fast. They turned about and started to walk back.