The Stronger Influence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Stronger Influence
John Stuart Mill · en
"I think we had better go and have some breakfast," he said, with an
amused look at her confused face. "If we delay any longer we shall be
faced with more awkward questions from young John. After breakfast we
will go in search of solitude and have our talk. There are endless
things I want to say to you."
They entered the hotel, separating at the door to meet again at the
breakfast-table. It was a silent meal so far as they were concerned, as
silent as those meals through which they had sat in the early days of
their acquaintance, when the man had maintained a moody aloofness
painfully embarrassing to his companion. She felt no embarrassment any
longer when he did not talk at table, and the chatter of the children
made conversation difficult.
She was glad on that particular occasion that she had the children to
distract her attention. She felt so extraordinarily shy of the man
beside her, shy of the accepted position of their new relations. She
felt that she must drag out the meal indefinitely: she wanted to
postpone that walk. But Hallam held altogether different views; and
presently he got up and prepared to leave the table.
"Hurry up!" he said. "You'll find me waiting for you on the stoep."
Then he went out, and she found herself confronted with the problem of
disposing of John and Mary for the morning. They were desirous of
accompanying her. The situation held an absorbing interest for them.
"I am going to be your bridesmaid, Auntie," Mary said, fascinated with
the prospect of a wedding looming in the near future. "And wear a blue
dress," she added.
John's face became grimly resolute.
"Mr Hallam needn't count on me for best man," he announced. "I'm off
that."
Esme left them to the discussion of these weighty matters under the
sympathetic guardianship of a visitor at the hotel, who had children of
her own and did not mind an addition to the party, and joined Hallam.
They set out together on their first walk since their engagement.
For a time they walked in silence, both of them a little impressed with
the strangeness of the new situation. Hallam's face was grave and
thoughtful, and every now and again he turned to the girl with a curious
eagerness in his eyes, and an added tenderness in the look he gave her.
It was altogether a memorable and wonderful occasion. He liked the
shyness of her mood. It surprised and amused him to see her eyes droop
before his gaze, and the colour come and go in her cheeks. He had known
her before only as a very self-possessed young woman; but she revealed
to him that morning, as he revealed to her, new and unexpected qualities
that were profoundly interesting. Again there came over him the longing
to take her in his arms and hold her close against his heart.
He took her hand when they were well away from the hotel, and they
walked along together thus and talked disjointedly and a trifle
self-consciously of trivial things. Presently Hallam said: