The Stronger Influence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Stronger Influence
John Stuart Mill · en
"To you!--you unappreciative male! I've everything in life to make a
woman proud and glad and happy; and I want the world to know it. I long
to parade my happiness, as a manikin parades the fashions, to the
admiration and the envy of all beholders. Why shouldn't I? Why
shouldn't I dance, boy? I love dancing. I'd love to dance with you."
"I can't dance," he answered. "I don't do any of these things."
"I'll teach you," she volunteered. "It's altogether simple. You've no
idea how simple it is, nor how lovely, till you try."
He smiled involuntarily.
"At my time of life! Imagine it! I wonder what you'll ask me to do
next?"
"Well, you need not dance," she urged. "You can go to the card room."
"I don't care about cards," he answered obstinately and with a note of
hard decision in his voice. "And I don't like the idea of your dancing
with other men. Can't you give up these things--for me?"
His objection surprised and vexed her. It was to her absurd that he
should feel jealous, even slightly jealous, at the thought of her
dancing with any one else. She felt hurt. Surely he had sufficient
evidence of her love to trust her? She would have trusted him in any
circumstances in her confident assurance of his love for her. She did
not understand the temper of his love. It was not mistrust of her that
moved him to object: it was dislike of the thought of any other man
touching her, holding her in his arms even in the legitimate exercise of
dancing. His passion had more than a touch of the primitive male in its
quality. He wanted her to himself, shut away from the world, content to
be alone with him always. And that was not in the least Esme's view of
things: her outlook was entirely modern and wholly free from
self-consciousness. She saw no reason why she should not enjoy herself
in the same way in which other women enjoyed life. She wanted to cure
Paul of his misanthropy, not to cultivate it herself. It was not an
engaging quality; it was even a little ridiculous.
"I would give up anything for you, Paul, if there was a good reason for
the sacrifice," she said. "But I think you are merely prejudiced.
You've spent so much time alone that you've grown used to solitude; but
it isn't good for you. It isn't good for any one. We can't live like
that--shunning people as if we had something to hide. I want to go out,
and I want to invite people here--not very often, but occasionally.
Dear, be sensible. You gave up your solitude when you married me. I
can't let you slip back again."
He moved restlessly and disengaged his arm from hers and stood looking
across the garden into space and frowning heavily. She watched him with
anxious eyes. After more than a year of married life this was the first
cloud to gather in their radiant sky.
"You can go where you please," he said ungraciously. "I never supposed
you cared so much for these things."
"I can't go without you," she insisted.
The frown on his brow deepened.