The Stronger Influence — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Stronger Influence
John Stuart Mill · en
Always these wonders were there, and always they assumed fresh guises,
revealed themselves in new and surprising aspects with the varying
seasons and the shifting light. It was good to sit out on the stoep in
the warm still dusk and enjoy these things together in an intimate and
undisturbed solitude. They needed nothing else for the present, desired
no companionship but each other's. Hallam was no less misanthropic than
before his marriage; but his life was happier and full of interest. He
was passionately in love; and his passion poured itself out in daily
worship of this woman who gave him a full return, whose passion answered
to his, equalled his in everything save its absorbed concentration on
the individual to the exclusion of every other interest in life. To
shut out the world from her thoughts entirely, as Hallam did, was not
possible to Esme. She loved life and her fellow-beings. Because she
loved Paul better than all the world, with a love which was an emotion
apart and different in quality from anything she had ever known before,
she could not close her heart to every outside interest. She was glad
always to be with him, glad during the first months in their own home to
have him to herself with no interruptions from the world beyond their
walls. But she did not desire to lead that shut in life always. She
wanted to go about among people, and to have him go with her; and she
made this clear to him after a while to his no inconsiderable dismay.
People called on her, and she returned their calls--alone; Hallam
refused definitely to have any share in that. She waived the point. So
many men evaded this social duty that it did not seem to her of great
importance. But when dinner and other invitations began to arrive, and
he as flatly declined to accept them, she felt disappointed and showed
it. She wanted to take part in these things, and his objection made her
participation impossible.
"Why should you want to go?" he asked, with passionate resentment in his
tones, on an occasion when she pressed him to accept an invitation to a
private dance. "I don't want to go to these things. I don't care about
them. I want only you. Why can't you be content with your home and me?
Why are you not satisfied?"
"Oh, Paul!" she said, and entwined his arm with both her arms and leaned
against him confidingly. "You know I'm satisfied. But we are living in
the world, dear; we can't shut ourselves off from it entirely. We can't
live just for ourselves."
"Why not?" he asked.
"But,"--she protested, and looked up at him with puzzled eyes. "How can
we?" she asked. "We must take our part, like other people. It isn't
good to live shut off: it's cramping. I love you, I love my home; but I
want other things. I want to see and talk with people. I want to meet
other women. I want to--gossip--about the things women love discussing.
I want to show off my clothes."
"You show them off to me," he said.
She laughed softly.