The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8
John Stuart Mill · en
Something almost like fear took possession of Miriam. Protest was
impossible. It was clear Miss Holland must not be tormented. Her mind
clung to the wind sounds, whilst with small exasperated mutterings Miss
Holland sought about for something to fit the gap. An immense discomfort
settled upon her when the window was finally dumb. Its silence seemed to
press upon the air. And though the window was open at the top, the room
seemed close. It was as if Miss Holland had robbed her of a companion
and as if far away the companion were reproaching her for yielding
without protest to the world that keeps a suspicious eye on the doings
of the weather, an attitude she hated like an infection. The room seemed
now full of Miss Holland; rebuked by her into a dead stillness. That
would be there on all the nights. Each one, dumb and dead. The prospect
was unnerving. There was something of the atmosphere of the sick-room in
this awful calm. Miss Holland’s candle was the nightlight, keeping going
the hot pressure of the evening. Yet most people probably disliked a
rattling window, the sound that made a stillness in the room and in the
street. It was bad to be so different and to like being different.
How difficult to sleep in this consciously quiet enclosure. For it was
not the quiet of a still night, the kind of night in which you listen to
the expanse of space. It was a stillness filled with the coiling
emanation of a humanity recognising only itself, intent only on its own
circlings. The darkness when it presently came would be thick with the
remainder of the continuous coiling and fret of all those people who
live perpetually at war with everything that is not perfectly secure.
4
Miss Holland’s light was out. She was apparently sitting up in bed
arranging draperies at great length.
“I have not locked the door,” she said, suddenly: Miriam despaired.
“I think for to-night it does not matter. We can make a point of
remembering it in future.”
“I’m afraid,” said Miriam, “I should _never_ remember it.”
“Have you not been in the habit of locking your door?”
“I never even thought of it.”
“Strange,” said Miss Holland. And Miriam began to suppose that it was
strange. She ran over in her mind some of the odd people from time to
time sharing her lonely top floor. Foreign waiters when Mrs. Bailey was
doing well, or queer odd men who could not afford the downstairs rooms.
She had never, at night, given them a single thought. But that was not
the sort of thought Miss Holland meant, or not consciously. But all this
was perfectly horrible.... Yet was it foolish, or perhaps unkind, never
to have been aware? O’Laughlin, dear O’Laughlin. She had been aware of
him. Sorry.
“There was,” she said, “a drunken Irish journalist who used to come
blundering up the stairs at all hours of the night.”
“Horrible, horrible,” breathed Miss Holland.