The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8
John Stuart Mill · en
Yet the Brooms, both Grace and Florrie, belonged to the unfathomable
depth of autumn. Not to its wholeness. To single features. Any single
feature contemplated brought them there to look and love. Only in
London. They belonged to London from the first. To the heavy, tinted
trees. To the first breath of exciting, on-coming cold, distilling the
radiance of the sun-warmed earth. To the mauve twilights of fogless
November days. To Christmas, and to June with spring and summer together
in the scent of sweet briar wafted across their suburban garden; making,
in its small green space with masonry visible all about, a sharper sense
of summer than was to be found in the open country. They belonged to
every feature of the London weather. Taking the sting from the worst and
adding brightness to the best.
But this opening with its view of the short broad path belongs to no
one. The sight of it is always a stepping forward into nowhere with eyes
on the low fence at the end, the gap, the two poplars pluming up on
either side, making it a stately portal to the green expanses beyond.
The poplars say:
Les yeux gris
Vont au paradis.
And the picture remains after the high railings have come back again.
Its message brings more light than there is into the thickets of shrubs
and bushes, and takes the suggestion of sadness from the stretches of
grass dulled even in sunlight by the thick autumn air.
_Les yeux gris_; in spring and autumn.
But most clearly in autumn when the air of the park is rich with
outbreathed summer. Answering everything with the unanswerable beauty of
autumn.
2
The afternoon streets were bustling with farewells to the week. Out
across them went her own glances of farewell, making them newly dear and
keeping them still echoing about her when she arrived to be alone by
daylight for the first time in the ancient stillness of the house.
She hurried upstairs to take possession and prepare for the coming of
the Brooms.
The stillness was absolute. New in her experience and disquieting. Her
old room had always greeted her. Had been full at once with the sound
and colour of her life.
This stillness was impermeable. Wrapped within it the rooms disowned
her. Maliciously, now that they had her to themselves, they announced
the fact behind the charms of the week of settling in. Bereavement. Not
only of her self, left behind irrevocably in the old room, but also now
that she surveyed it undisturbed by Miss Holland’s supporting presence,
of the bright motley of her outside life. Everything had thinned, was
going thinly forward without depth of background. Against these ancient
rooms she was powerless.
If she were living alone in them? She imagined herself living alone in
them, and at once the tide of her life began to rise and flow out and
change them. They dropped their ancient preoccupations and turned
friendly faces towards her, promising welfare.