The Trimmed Lamp, and Other Stories of the Four Million — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The Trimmed Lamp, and Other Stories of the Four Million
John Stuart Mill · en
When “Kid” Brady was sent to the ropes by Molly McKeever’s blue-black
eyes he withdrew from the Stovepipe Gang. So much for the power of a
colleen’s blanderin’ tongue and stubborn true-heartedness. If you are a
man who read this, may such an influence be sent you before 2 o’clock
to-morrow; if you are a woman, may your Pomeranian greet you this
morning with a cold nose—a sign of doghealth and your happiness.
The Stovepipe Gang borrowed its name from a sub-district of the city
called the “Stovepipe,” which is a narrow and natural extension of the
familiar district known as “Hell’s Kitchen.” The “Stovepipe” strip of
town runs along Eleventh and Twelfth avenues on the river, and bends a
hard and sooty elbow around little, lost homeless DeWitt Clinton park.
Consider that a stovepipe is an important factor in any kitchen and the
situation is analyzed. The chefs in “Hell’s Kitchen” are many, and the
“Stovepipe” gang, wears the cordon blue.
The members of this unchartered but widely known brotherhood appeared
to pass their time on street corners arrayed like the lilies of the
conservatory and busy with nail files and penknives. Thus displayed as
a guarantee of good faith, they carried on an innocuous conversation in
a 200-word vocabulary, to the casual observer as innocent and
immaterial as that heard in clubs seven blocks to the east.
But off exhibition the “Stovepipes” were not mere street corner
ornaments addicted to posing and manicuring. Their serious occupation
was the separating of citizens from their coin and valuables.
Preferably this was done by weird and singular tricks without noise or
bloodshed; but whenever the citizen honored by their attentions refused
to impoverish himself gracefully his objections came to be spread
finally upon some police station blotter or hospital register.
The police held the “Stovepipe” gang in perpetual suspicion and
respect. As the nightingale’s liquid note is heard in the deepest
shadows, so along the “Stovepipe’s” dark and narrow confines the
whistle for reserves punctures the dull ear of night. Whenever there
was smoke in the “stovepipe” the tasselled men in blue knew there was
fire in “Hell’s Kitchen.”
“Kid” Brady promised Molly to be good. “Kid” was the vainest, the
strongest, the wariest and the most successful plotter in the gang.
Therefore, the boys were sorry to give him up.
But they witnessed his fall to a virtuous life without protest. For, in
the Kitchen it is considered neither unmanly nor improper for a guy to
do as his girl advises.
Black her eye for love’s sake, if you will; but it is all-to-the-good
business to do a thing when she wants you to do it.