The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Volume 02 — Jean-Jacques Rousseau — John Shaqi
The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau — Volume 02
Jean-Jacques Rousseau · en
Being, one day, wearied with the clerk's discourse, she had retired to
her chamber; I made haste to finish what I had to do in the back shop,
and followed her; the door was half open, and I entered without being
perceived. She was embroidering near a window on the opposite side of
the room; she could not see me; and the carts in the streets made too
much noise for me to be heard. She was always well dressed, but this day
her attire bordered on coquetry. Her attitude was graceful, her head
leaning gently forward, discovered a small circle of her neck; her hair,
elegantly dressed was ornamented with flowers; her figure was universally
charming, and I had an uninterrupted opportunity to admire it. I was
absolutely in a state of ecstasy, and, involuntary, sinking on my knees,
I passionately extended my arms towards her, certain she could not hear,
and having no conception that she could see me; but there was a chimney
glass at the end of the room that betrayed all my proceedings. I am
ignorant what effect this transport produced on her; she did not speak;
she did not look on me; but, partly turning her head, with the movement
of her finger only, she pointed to the mat that was at her feet--To start
up, with an articulate cry of joy, and occupy the place she had
indicated, was the work of a moment; but it will hardly be believed I
dared attempt no more, not even to speak, raise my eyes to hers, or rest
an instant on her knees, though in an attitude which seemed to render
such a support necessary. I was dumb, immovable, but far enough from a
state of tranquility; agitation, joy, gratitude, ardent indefinite
wishes, restrained by the fear of giving displeasure, which my
unpractised heart too much dreaded, were sufficiently discernible. She
neither appeared more tranquil, nor less intimidated than myself--uneasy
at my present situation; confounded at having brought me there, beginning
to tremble for the effects of a sign which she had made without
reflecting on the consequences, neither giving encouragement, nor
expressing disapprobation, with her eyes fixed on her work, she
endeavored to appear unconscious of everything that passed; but all my
stupidity could not hinder me from concluding that she partook of my
embarrassment, perhaps, my transports, and was only hindered by a
bashfulness like mine, without even that supposition giving me power to
surmount it. Five or six years older than myself, every advance,
according to my idea, should have been made by her, and, since she did
nothing to encourage mine, I concluded they would offend her. Even at
this time, I am inclined to believe I thought right; she certainly had
wit enough to perceive that a novice like me had occasion, not only for
encouragement but instruction.