The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8
John Stuart Mill · en
Under her hat was the red book. The _personal note_ repeated itself
before her mind’s eye, in print. And as she searched for her gloves the
note described itself as it were aloud, in a voice speaking urbanely
from the surrounding air. Its indubitable descent; its perhaps too great
and withal so manifestly, so well-nigh woefully irretrievable
precipitancy. Its so charming and for all she could at the moment and
within the straitly beleaguering the so eminently onerous and exciting
circumstances assemble of disturbing uncertainty, so brilliantly, so
almost _dazzlingly_ sunlit height. In simpler words, things were going
too fast and too far. An exact and dramatic landscape of thought. Things
seen as going too fast and too far, distilled into refinement. Cuyp.
She tried to imagine herself producing phrases for the landlord from a
mental landscape of what would be occurring between them in terms of
thought. It would certainly make her dignified, and to the landlord,
mysterious. It might daunt, reduce him, keep him at a distance. But it
was difficult to weave in the word “rent” the so simple, the so potently
humiliating monosyllable that was the immediate, the actual, the
dreadfully unavoidable ... ornate alias. Ah. Clifford Allbutt. James was
the art of beautifully elaborating the ornate alias?
7
Her eyes roamed as she moved about putting on her things. Seeking up and
down the strip of bedroom for a centre, some running together of effects
where her spirit could settle and find its known world about it. There
seemed to be none, though the light was fading and the aspect of the
room as it had been when her things were first set down was already in
the past. Each glance produced the same picture; a picture seen and
judged long ago and with which her eyes could do nothing. She took
refuge with single objects, finding each satisfactory, but nowhere
reaching home. Swimming in transparent shallows, unable to touch bottom,
stand steady, and see forth. Her life had somehow ceased. Behind her
back unawares, while she had flown from newness to newness, its thread
had been snapped. The small frayed end remaining in her hand was drawing
her ahead across a level that showed no coverts; no deep places to be
invaded by unsummoned dreams and their good end in the recreation of
familiar things.
8
Though it was late when they arrived, the club was just as she had seen
it on her first solitary visit. The same hush in the large drawing-room,
the same low murmuring of conversation between women half hidden in the
depths of easy-chairs.