The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8
John Stuart Mill · en
Seated in two little high-backed chairs by the central window, they
found themselves looking down on the square, a small forest dim in the
twilight, asheen where the light poured in from the street lamps. A
twilit loveliness at rest. Walked through, the squares were always a new
loveliness, but even at a stroll they passed too quickly. There, at
last, was one of the best of them arrested for contemplation.
Away behind was a roomful of independent strangers, also aware of the
square set ever before their eyes. This was freedom, in company,
enriched. The sense of imprisonment she had felt on coming down the
street with Miss Holland, the tangible confirmation when Miss Holland,
laughter sounding in the tones of her confidently talking voice,
suddenly took her arm, of the note struck too soon, and too high,
vanished altogether in the freedom of this neutral territory.
Miss Holland was responding formally, in low tones, to her comments on
the aspect of the square. Spontaneity it was evident was to be shelved
just where it might be safely indulged; just where one attained an
impersonality as wide as the wide world.
Suddenly she found herself wanting to say outrageous things. The
decorous voices sounding all about her seemed to call for violence. With
difficulty she kept her tone subdued. Level it refused to be. The gift
of the square imparted to every word the sound of exciting news. News
upon which the dear, the for-the-first-time-so-comfortably,
so-opulently-visible London twilight closed gently in.
It was to a morning and not to Miss Holland she was speaking. The wide
deep spaces of a London Sunday morning that showed invariably within the
witnessed falling of a Saturday twilight. Miss Holland’s responses
showed her struggling between charmed appreciation and a sense that
audible comments were not quite within the boundaries of club etiquette.
Silence fell, and within it Miriam saw the scales of judgment descend
equally balanced. She had, it was true, given no thought to her
neighbours and only now in retrospect heard her lively tones penetrate
the murmurings of the gathered ladies. But—she was wearing her
lavender-grey, her mushroom hat of silky straw, both still quite able to
hold their own, and still conquering fatigue whenever she put them on.
While Miss Holland, though clothed in awareness of her surroundings, was
not even stylishly dowdy. Piled upon her head was a mass of blue
crinoline, not only faded, but dulled with inextricable dust. Beneath
its shapelessness wisps of lank hair made fun of her dignified bearing.
A black tie, running from neck to waist of the skimped blouse uniting
her coat and skirt, fought with the millinery hat. Only her eyes took
the light, and they were at a loss, turned unseeing, under faintly
frowning brows, upon the prospect beyond the window.
She was uneasy, disapproving equally of silence and of speech that was
not smoothly decorous.