The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8 — John Stuart Mill — John Shaqi
The trap : $b Pilgrimage, Volume 8
John Stuart Mill · en
It was all coming back; the attitude towards life that had so tormented
her when she listened unaided by thought. She knew now that it was
blasphemy. It is blasphemy, she could say, if this man were equally
armed, blasphemy to imagine that each next generation is plunging into
an abyss.
“People don’t keep themselves to themselves like they did. There’s too
much running about. Don’t you think so, Miss Henderson?”
She was looking out upon the rain-washed parapet a yard away from the
window. ‘Nice to have a parrypidge in case of fire; plenty of roofs and
chimley-pots to walk on.’
“Yes,” she said hastily. “People run about because they wonder who they
are.”
“That’s it. Don’t know where they are. That’s the position of the L.C.C.
Money to spend and must find something to spend it on. Public money.
Pitched away. Not a hayputh o’ good out of it.”
The sudden presence in the room of the L.C.C. made him harmless.
“Officials are strange people. Being officials makes people strange.”
She stood seeking something that had passed wordlessly through her mind
while she snatched this borrowed thought. Something she ought to say,
hidden because she was being insincere. It remained hidden, and she
passed towards the door, his inferior, having nothing to offer half so
good as his own mistaken convictions.
“You going _down_, Miss Henderson?”
She was at the top of the winding stair before she spoke the
leave-taking that left the room empty, as it would be this afternoon.
Very gently she went down her stairs. In this clear upper light, angles
and surfaces declared themselves intimately. The thing she loved was
there. Light falling upon the shapes of things, reflected back, moving
through the day, a steadfast friend, silent and understanding. She had
loved it wherever she was, even in the midst of miseries; and always it
had belonged to others. This time it was her own. The breath she held
facing it was a cool stream, bringing strength; joy. Nothing could be
better than this. None of the events, none of the passions of life,
better than this sense of light quietly falling.
2
Coming back in the afternoon, she found Miss Holland installed, her half
of the larger room fully furnished.
From a low camp-bed with a limply frilled Madras muslin cover, her eyes
passed to a wicker washstand-table, decked with a strip of the same
muslin and set with chilly, pimpled white crockery. At its side was a
dulled old Windsor chair, and underneath it a battered zinc footbath
propped against the wall. Above a small shabby chest of drawers a tiny
square of mirror hung by a nail to the strip of wall next the window. No
colour anywhere but in the limp muslin, washed almost colourless.